Black Comet
by Moon-Silver93
Summary: When Jasper and Bella catched the wrong flight and end up in France instead of Spain, a romance may ignite.
1. Prolog

_**Once upon a time…**_

_**There was a young man. He was nothing special, until the day he was granted the gift and curse of being a vampire. To be forever living, immortal. This is our protagonist of the story.**_

_**Our heroine starts out being nothing, and then become everything to an immortal. He knew nothing of her, before he saw her in the future. And then later another immortal called Edward fell in love with her…**_

_**To the first immortal, she was a black comet. You wouldn't notice her among the stars. But when you got the glimpse of her, you can't take your eyes of off of her. **_

_**This fairytale speaks of love. A love, forbidden in any way possible…**_


	2. The Wrong One

"Come on children", our school teacher said. "We have to get that line 12 before it goes." Shit. Shit!

I looked at Edward uneasy. "E-Edward, I have to…" He looked investigating on me. I almost jumped and crumbled at the same time. "Oh", was the only comment he spoke out loud.

The whole class was getting on a trip even though we were on our holydays. We were going to Albacete, Spain, because of something with football. Most of the guys were excited and spoke about it all the time. The Cullens stayed to them selves. They were going to be in the sun. Not good. Yet, Esme had said we should go anyways. It was the last time, probably, we were going to spend with our class. Not that it made any difference for the Cullens. But they did it. For me. I was really touched. It was Monday the 17th of July. I had just been graduated, had smacked a bunch of newborns, been engaged to the love of my life, made Alice my maid of honor, and yet I stood here in the airport of Olympia, having booked a plane on Glacier Jet Center, ready and packed to go to Spain just to get all sweaty, have hours long of time with persons my age stuffed together in the economy class airplane, have jetlag, get sunburned if I was unlucky, living in some Motel the school could afford with one toilet and one bath and not having time to read my books because we were going to watch football. Even though the footballers could some wicked tricks and maneuvers, Edward and the others could do even more wicked tricks probably.

Our luggage were already tagged and stuffed in the airplane. We stood all in one crowd of legs and bodies, trying not to get squashed. Each student having their own plane ticket in their hands. The adults meant we were old enough to take care of our own tickets. We were minutes away from getting to Spain. _And _I had to pee. Why, oh _why_ did I have to pee in a time like this? Edward was about to break into laughter of my weird mimic and movements.

"Ja-Jasper, would you-" he laid his hand over his mouth, giggling so his whole body trembled "- would you please escort Bella to the restroom?" Jasper looked at me. He stood and talked to Alice. Well, more arguing than talking. Well, more fighting than arguing. It was weird, 'cause it seemed like Jasper and Alice just have been madly in love. But after the fight, they didn't look so happy. Alice was having some gaps in her sights. It frustrated her, which reflected back on Jasper. But even with my human ears, I knew they weren't talking about her gaps. Jasper was frowning. Then he came over to us in a part of a second. He had heard Edward so well because of his over natural listening ability. And so had Alice and Emmett. Now Emmett stood and laughed his head off. I scowled at Emmett, trying to break him down by being evil. It didn't work. He just kept laughing. Rosalie hit the back of his head with a sudden _bap_. I turned my gaze at Edward, my eyes saying and scolding at the same time _couldn't you have been a little more discreet?_ He ignored my gaze.

Jasper, affected by the two others emotions, being all giggly all of a sudden, said to me: "Follow me." I'm glad he was a bit more discreet than I could have hoped for. Behind me Edward broke down laughing. He followed me in human pace a bit ahead of me. Probably impatient because of my slow human legs. We walked by a café with more young people, though not from our class, sat down eating little sandwiches and drinking coca cola or tea. Oh. Something… liquid. Damn those reflexes. We walked past a lot of humans. There smells made me all dizzy.

When I eyed the toilets I walked even faster than Jasper to get to them. And of course it just happened to be that I didn't look on the label on the door. "_Men"_. Why didn't I look at the label. How stupid. I flushed and backed out of the room as three men stared at me like I was crazy. _Well done!_ my conscious said sarcastically to me. I got to the _ladies' _bathroom. I searched for the nearest toilet box where there wasn't a red mark on. Found one! I walked into the toilet and almost slammed the door shut. After having been on the toilet, I walked out of the toilet box and went to the sink to clean my hands. I haven't noticed before how filthy a toilet room could be. Spider webs, looking like they had been there forever, waved at me, greeting me to a nightmare of filth. That's why it took me a bit longer cleaning my hands. There were no paper. Only a wind blower. So with wet hands I stood under the wind blower drying my hands. The heat was excruciating on my hands where pearls of water burned my skin. I noticed with pain in my mind that scar James had left on my hand. The more I gazed at it, the more it seemed to grow bigger and more noticeable. I shrugged at it. Opened the door and walked out to meet a bit frustrated Jasper.

"We're going to be late", he growled._ Like I didn't notice that, _I answered in my head. He turned his head and looked at me. "Annoyance", he commented. Ups, my feelings. Now I was feeling embarrassed. He didn't comment that. But he smirked. Something rare to see, so my emotions changed into astonishment. He just smirked even more as we walked at human pace quickly towards the air plane.

The crowd of our class had disappeared. There were still a lot of people. Just not _one_ from our class. Jasper looked at me. His golden eyes giving reflection of light. I looked back at him, not daring to break the gaze. The feeling of wondering hit me like a brick in the head. Then the feeling of making a decision. I was surprised how Jaspers feelings reflected upon me. Like I was a mirror of his feelings. He took my hands in mine and I got embarrassed by this so sudden movement. Jaspers expression was blank. Even though our luggage was in the air plane with the others, we still had some small "traveler's bag" with us. I had borrowed one of Alice's Fjallräven bag pack in a deep green color. I picked it up, wondering why Edward hadn't picked it with him. He probably forgot I had borrowed it by Alice and thought that she could bring it herself. So I grabbed my back and Jasper his, which were also a Fjallräven bag in black. We headed for the hall that lead us to the air plane. We ran all the way, Jasper a little bit faster even in his human pace. Jasper handed our flight tickets to the smiling lady in black and red. We ran all the way to our seats. Jasper buckled me up, even though it annoyed me. Grabbed our backs and threw them up on a shelf. As the gentleman Jasper is, he let me get the window seat. Than he fastened his seatbelt. Something in my head moved, warning me. Something was wrong. I looked around. People either played music or they read magazines with star scandals on the cover.

"Jasper", I gasped, "we're on the wrong plane."


	3. Lost

_**Disclaimer: Me no own! It all goes to SM!**_

_**Annotiation: Hello, this is my second installment of the Black Comet Series. Sorry it wasn't as long as the previous.**_

_**I used a lot of songs in this one (in order of appearence): My Immortal - Evanescence; Where Will You Go - Evanescence; With You - Linkin Park; Hate Me - Blue October; Soul - Matchbox 20; Weight of the World - Blue October; Color Blind - Counting Crows; Welcome to the Jungle - Guns N' Roses; Breaking the Habit - Linki Park; Mad World - Michael Andrews; The Second You Sleep - Saybia and Enter - Within Temptation.**_

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"We're on the wrong plane!" I repeated. It was like he wouldn't understand the terrifying situation. He just looked at me. His face blank for emotions. Even though I could feel his feelings just right beneath the skin of his. But he was… hiding them from me. I was sure. Then his emotions changed. As a human movement he removed the cap from his head, which were a dark red, looking like he had it for ages, and combed his hair back with his left hand.

"Jasper…", my voice started, but I couldn't finish the sentence._ We're lost. _One of the flight attendances in the red and black uniform were waved at. Jasper let some emotions of love blast at the woman and in a way it shined back at me. I felt _easy_ in my head, if you could say that. Like being in a big cloud searching for something or someone, the raising your head to just look over the sky and everything becomes so clear.

His bass of a voice were so different than I was used to. More melodic. I must admit, I was dazzled. For a moment. I shrugged, hoping Jasper wouldn't catch that last emotion. I spend the time knocking my head against the pillow that were attached to the seat, trying to get some pain instead of thoughts. The only thoughts I had was _yeah right, yeah right, yeah right, yeah right!_ Jasper was still talking to the flight attendance, but turned around and looked at me. I stopped. I didn't dare to look him in the eyes. He was probably mad at me. How _pleasant_ this trip was going to be with Jasper. There was nothing we could do, the plane was going to go no matter what. The engines roared and there were butterflies in my stomach. I felt I left a part of me there in the airport. Like my old Bella was standing by, waving goodbye forever - or at least until we got home. I sighed, trying to forget we were moving the double pace of Edwards. The plane rumbled and I became dizzy. Feeling nauseas by all of these impressions. Jasper pushed a wave at calm at me, which I gladly received from him. A little mark blinked, telling us that we could take of our seatbelts. I looked at Jasper after some seconds of boredom. And to my surprise he was looking directly at me. He did take notice, huh? His eyes were golden - but when he looked away, they got the reflection of black, if black even can be reflected. _It was probably just something with the light, _I said to myself. He stood up, and how embarrassing it may be, I got a look at his muscular, lean over body. His blue shirt sat tight around him. I flustered. As the gentleman, Jasper is, he didn't turn around to look at me 'cause of my feelings. In my hand he shuffled an iPod.

"It's mine. But you may borrow it, if you want to", he said a little uncertain of this gesture. Because a gesture it was. I can't remember any time Jasper had borrowed me something of his. But then again, I was having nausea, feeling slightly annoyed, were stuck with _Jasper_, whom I had weird thoughts about. Oh, and then perhaps the fact that _I was going to France instead of Spain!_ Of course I would rather be in France, there were a bit too hot in Spain. But as I said, it would be hard to remember anything. I realized I wasn't going to see Edward again. At least for some time. But still, how long was that going to be? I wanted him to wrap his arms around me and tell me everything was going to be all right.

I sighed and put the earplugs in my ears, letting the music scream at my mind.

* * *

I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears.

* * *

But where will you go, when no one's left to save you from yourself.

_

* * *

_

It's true the way I feel, what's promised by your face.

_

* * *

_

I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't loose my head.

_

* * *

_

We all know there's always something tearing you apart.

_

* * *

_

I wake up in the bathroom, and dare not bother asking, why the mirror's cracked, and all I see are shards and glass inside of me.

_

* * *

_

I am color blind.

_

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_

Welcome to the jungle.

_

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_

Clutching my cure, I tightly lock the door, I try to catch

_my breath again.__

* * *

_

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad, the dreams in which I'm dying is the best I've ever had.

_

* * *

_

I stayed to watch you fade away, I dream of you tonight, tomorrow you'll be gone.

_

* * *

_

Come near me, it's my private chamber.

* * *

Jasper, with supernatural listening ability, was tapping with his foot in a dream-like trance. I pressed the button "next" to hear something I'd never heard before. There were a while with silence, and I was about to push the "next"-button again. But then…

A guitar played. Its essence was filled with lingering for forbidden love. Despair, unrequited love, frustration, anger, lust, love, hate. It made me want to cry out in big sobs.

Jasper stiffened all of a sudden. His muscles moving while he breathed. Before I could ask more of the song, since it didn't show any artist, song name or whatsoever, Jasper abruptly snatched the black iPod out of my hands. His eyes lingered on the iPod and on my face. Guess it was something I wasn't supposed to hear.

"I-I'm sorry, Jasper." He looked indifferent on me. "What?" - he laughed - "I'm just taking it because it's runing out of batery. And besides, didn't you have a book in your bag pack?" I wondered about if it were true. Lie. "I can't remember seing your iPod runing out of batery." Jasper stuffed it quickly in his bag pack after having clutched to his iPod, like a poor man to a bread. I bet he almost crushed it in his hands.

I was still frustrated over being sent to France instead of Spain. And while trying to read my book, I was trying to be as composed as possible. It was hard. I was reading Vampire Diarries, how ironic it may seem, Emmett even laughed at it, and almost got the hysterics because of the main character was doubting her love, Steffan.

Quickly I felt asleep, with the strap of the guitar playing in my head, dreaming about Jasper Hale.

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**Review please!_ - Marianne._**


	4. Sparkles

**Disclaimer: Jeg ejer intet (Danish for) I own nothing! **

**Annotiation: Hello, my little geeks. Yesterday I finished Black Comet Chapter 3, and I was about to upload it when... I realized _I almost hadn't got any reviews!_ I really want this to continue, so if _you_ want it to continue, _please_ review it. Even if you hate it. You _don't_ want to miss out the next couple of chapters! **

**Authors Note: Actually I hope I describe the airport well and France well, since I haven't been in France, and never even sat my fat legs in an airport. Our lovely couple will in the next chapter (SPOILER:) go to _Lachanau _near _Hourtin_ near _Bordeux. _There _is_ a forest nearby, but I want to erase the _real_ area, and come up with my own. So it fits more to the story. And yes, this chapter is a bit of a filler - what can I say? I just _loooove_ cliffies. **

_

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_

_Jasper Hale:_

So she fell asleep, huh? Her breathing was even and sturdy. I felt a bit as an intruder by watching her sleep. But I hadn't seen her sleep her alone. This was a first one. Her hands were twitching. I tugged the blanket around her more tight. She moaned pleasantly at it. I retreated as quickly as I could. I was frightened by this movement. She didn't wake up yet. I send a wave of calm against her while I was embarrassed and with my heart in my throat. She fell back into the rhythm of her breathing while I was left alone.

What was that? Why was she moaning so pleasantly? What was she dreaming of? I looked at her closely. And I don't know why, but I got angry at myself. Why should I care? She _was_ my brothers fiancée. And also just a mere human. But even though I didn't want to care about her. I seemed like I was caring more for her than I did for Alice. Stick to that thought - Alice. Failure. Why couldn't I get her face out of my head? Why was it glued to my mind with a power stronger than a newborn?

Was it because she was feeling…loving towards me? _This is isn't reality. This isn't reality. This isn't reality. _All I could do was to lay my arm around her. Trying to resist it. But the urge was bigger than my sense. This was wrong. This was _wrong_. Bella twitched again. Moaning louder.

My heart…it was like… it moved. But I've been dead for a long time. So that was impossible. _Jasper_, I growled at myself_, keep it together. These emotions are wrong. Bella is just dreaming. That's why you're feeling this. Snap out of it!_ I felt more and more sense come back in to my head. What was it I just had been feeling a moment ago? I pulled my iPod out of my bag pack. Trying to stuff the earplugs as far in my head they could get. Hoping I could blast my mind to pieces. I turned in the volume that would have made a humans ear bleed, but to me it was bliss. Surrounded by something else than emotions.

_All of my life I was in hiding. Wishing there was someone just like you. Now that you're here, now that I found you, I know you are the one to pull me through._

That's my favorite lines in that song. How ironic it was now. I skipped and skipped until I found the song, Bella mustn't hear. Then, out of no where, Bella stabbed my with an emotion. Pleasure, deep, luscious pleasure. And, as I can feel how people also feel towards each other, this one was directed at me. Why? Why was so a deep a pleasure from Bella coming toward me? _It's just a dream, it's just a dream, it's just a dream. _But why did I then have to convince myself so much that it only _is_ a dream? She moaned even more, and turned to lay at me. Her hand searching for my neck to hold around it. Ah, I get it now. How could I be so blind. The feeling wasn't towards me, but my body. My cold, stone hard body. It was like Edwards - or more like his was like mine. And now her body wanted to cradle up at my body, because it was like Edwards. She missed him. My nostrils was like on fire. Her scent was all over me. I heard her blood's rush in my ears. The venom in my mouth was excruciating. The lust even worse. I was feeling so aware of myself. Feeling every limb of my body wanting to melt into hers. My body tells me that I want Bella, my head tells me that I want Alice. Besides, we were in a plane with people. I can't believe that the thought actually crossed my mind. That I should cheat on Alice. I tried not to breathe, trying to block out every thought, everything. But I couldn't block out her emotions. I could feel them, I could control them, but I couldn't block them out. And then the sound of her blood. Her blood's beating pounded in my ears, making it all worse. Then it sped up, her eyelids were twitching and she looked at me dazed.

"Are we there yet?" she asked me and stretched her arms, though she didn't had space enough. "No, not yet", I replied as I smiled at her. _Stop it, Jasper_, my mind yelled at me. Her lovely brown eyes glowed with a sparkle of hope. Now the sparkle is gone. "Oh", she said. But don't worry we'll be there in a couple of hours."

She smiled at me. I felt sick inside. "When will we get to Spain? Or will Edward come and get us?" She smiled her little shy smile. The ache inside grew worse by the second. I released my grip on her. Trying as much I could not to, even though every fiber of me said I should be holding her close to me. _She's your sister_, my conscious told me. I tried to listen. It was hard. I sighed. "I forgot my self phone." She stared at me, she opened her mouth, just to clench it together again.

"You… forgot… your self phone?!" her voice disbelieving. "How-how could you forget your _self phone_?", she asked angrily. Like it was a very important matter. Her emotions were a welter. It was hard to understand them all. To put a word for each emotion, they're mixed up. She was… angry, confused, and then an emotion, I didn't think she would feel in this situation; relief. Why was she feeling relief? Why was she angry over being away from Edward, and then still feeling relieved by the fact that she wasn't with Edward? I was dumbfound at that moment. I didn't want to answer her question.

"I thought that we weren't going to be separated, so I didn't bring it, 'cause it wasn't necessary." _She_ were more calmed now, that she had a reason to why I didn't bring mine. "How about you? Did you bring yours?", I asked, hoping she had forgotten hers. "No." She blushed. "Charlie told me to leave it at home. He said that people might try to steal it and he wouldn't pay for a new if I lost it." She blushed. I couldn't find a reason why she would do that, blushing.

She looked at me, her eyes asking of something I didn't know. "Why didn't you look through my back?"

"I didn't want to entrance it because you might have personal things in it that I mustn't see."

"Oh, you're so polite", she said and nudged my head carefully, not knowing exactly where the line was. I laughed, and she felt more at ease.

The rest of the time before the airplane was going to land, we sat and talked. The flight attendance walked over to us, trying to flirt with me. "I hoped you had a nice trip". She smiled at us, Bella made a grimace. "Did you just take a look on how she tried to flirt with you? Alice wouldn't have been happy about that!"

"No, she wouldn't." We laughed, and I wondered if Alice had seen this coming, us going to France instead of Spain. Would she have seen me feeling like this toward Bella? Was I the course why Alice hadn't have any of her sights lately?

Bella made a _pfff _sound. "Well, at least we know why we could get aboard with flight tickets to Spain instead of France. That woman was totally dazzled by you", the last part she whispered. She was wrong. _I _was dazzled by her. By Bella. Her beautiful hair was radiating with all colors of brown. Some in which was a little more red. I could understand now why Edward liked her hair so much. It was beautiful.

"Brother", she said, "you're sparkling." I was about to thank her for liking the way I looked, not that I cared about how I looked. Or that was until I realized that I _was_ sparkling. Damn sun! I put on my cap, trying to get the collar of my coat to cover my neck. Bella blushed. _So what?_, my mind thought. _That's just typically Bella. I bet I could make her blush on command._ But still, having tried to cover every inch of my cold, panzer skin, there where still some places I would sparkle. I grabbed our bags, took Bella by her hand, and almost ran away from the plane. When we were out of the airport, Bella was gasping. "Breathe, Bella", I reminded her. "What do we do now?" I didn't know. All I knew was, that I wanted to be alone. Alone with Bella. All alone with her.

"Oh, Jasper", she gasped. "What?" I wasn't really in the mood for being nice. I was a monster, remember? "You-your eyes", she stuttered, "they're _black."_ She pointed at me like the monster I am. Ah, I thought I could feel the monster inside of me awaken to come out and play with Bella's body.

"I guess we're going hunting then."

It took ma little while for us to get settled. Bella wasn't a vampire and couldn't run as fast as I could, so I used Edwards trick. I pulled her up on my back. She held both of our bags, while I headed for the nearest forest. Out in the unknown France.

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**_Please review! You know you want to... - Marianne._**

**_Oh and I may JUST add another chapter, for all of those who may review fast..._**


	5. Supper

**Hello, all my freaks there just love this pairing! Uhm, first I want to correct myself. In the last chapter I wrote "_self phone_" which should be "_cell phone_." Thanks for correcting me, _nia-ox_ and _Ginny's Biggest Fan_! I am from Denmark, and only a human (_unfortuneally_).**

**In my last Annotiation I wrote we would see the wonders of France...from my point of view. I have never been to France or even sat my fat legs in an airport (only been in Germany and in Denmark, got no life.) And I wanted more writer's freedom, so I took a little of the area, and cleaned everything else. There _is_ a forest. But I erased most of the population (meaning _everybody_) and the contures of the landscape. This is a bit longer than the others, I think. But still...**

**_And don't miss out next chapter, it's sooooo sweet! _**

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Jasper had lifted me up on his bag, just like Edward does. My heart thumped sometimes in the bag of Jasper when he ran. I would say it was because he ran so fast and I got a little scared. I would never tell him the truth if he asked.

We, meaning he, ran a long way until we got to a forest. By a broken tree he let me _saddle off_ him. "Stay here. Edward won't forgive me if you saw me hunt." For some unknown reason he smiled. Why did he smile like that? It just make him dazzling to me. I don't want that. I would rather hate Jasper…then cheat on my best friend with her husband and my fiancées brother. I _don't_ want him. He's my brother for crying out loud! This was stupid. _Very_ stupid.

Jasper handed me the bag packs and accidentally touch my hand. I felt nothing, not a surge in my stomach or like there was electricity around me. Nothing. Just his cold, dead skin. Jaspers facial expression grew tight. "Jasper, go! Shoo!" I laughed. "Go hunt. I'll be fine." He didn't look sure on my words. "I will! I swear. Just go hunting. You _need_ it." Now he looked like he needed something different than blood. He was craving for something…else. Something I couldn't put my finger on, but I were sure I'd seen the expression before. I just didn't know when. It was like in a dream, long, long ago. Like it could have happened in another lifetime. "I may be back late. I don't know the area, and I don't want to hurt an innocent just to get back to you." How… assuring he was. How… _caring. _He glanced at me one last time. Then he was gone. The hunger must almost have driven him insane. His eyes were pitch black before he went away on hunt. I sat on the still-green tree. It was rotten, and I could break little parts of it. And so I did. Until I saw the nasty things beneath the trees shield. Bugs in every color possible, and even then the nuances would grow because of the light. Or rather the lack of it.

I crept away from that end of the tree. I sat there for what felt like years. Watched the sun go down, flaming the trees in red, orange, yellow and other golden colors. The air became colder. I could see my own breathe. It whirled around in little circles. Then they would disappear, and I wouldn't know where they had gone. I looked up in the sky, there was deep, deep blue. Azure blue, then it would become darker by the minute. I could see the trees as contrast to the sky. It would've been great taking a picture right now. Then, at last, it was black. I couldn't even see my hand if I tried to hold in front of my face. Not even something pale white, the color of my skin, could I see. I shivered. I couldn't see a thing. But I could hear things. Something that could be far away and then sometimes things that were near me. Sometimes I thought I heard wolf yelping. Or was it just my imagination. Was a couple of wolf eyes looking at me right now, without me knowing? Was it just waiting for this sweet little lamb to be all alone and then consume me in its mouth? Fear and scenarios ran through my head. I was scared now. Afraid. Where was my guardian? Where was he? _Where_ was Jasper? Why didn't he come? I felt desperation and fear whelm up in my throat, blocking my breathing.

"Calm down, Bella", his voice ghosted. Even though I recognized the voice in the same moment he spoke aloud, it still frightened me.

"Jasper", I gasped loudly, well knowing though that he could me just fine. He could even here the beat of my heart, the air I breathed around me move. How stupid of me. "How was hunting?" I asked, trying to get my thoughts on something else. And then I was afraid again. Afraid of Jasper. He could _hurt_ me. Hurt me like James did. I touched the scar unnoticing. Was he still hungry? Would he _eat_ me? Have me for _supper_? Was I going out of my mind because I was hungry, a bit tired, freezing to death and scared of the man who stood before me? There was only _one_ time I can remember where I was _really _scared of Jasper. The time I cut my finger. I can still remember clearly how the blood oozed out. This was my second time I was afraid of Jasper. Probably 'cause I hadn't been around him much alone. Edward was almost with me all the time.

"Hunting was fine. There were scents I had to follow and learn the animals' scent and their path." I breathed out. I realized I hadn't been breathing for a while. Did I dare ask him this question? Apparently, I did.

"Are… are you still _hungry_?"I was trying to indicate if we wanted me for supper or desert later on. He looked confused, then his face cracked up in a laughter. "No, I'm not hungry anymore." He took a few steps towards me and thereby closed the psychological distance between us. He nudged my head. "Oh, sister", his voice suddenly full of regret, "I-I forgot you in the rush of my own. I'm so sorry. I've almost forgotten that a human have demanding _needs,_ whether the person wills it or not."

Now _I_ felt like I had to apologize. "I-it's okay. It would just be nice if I had some place to sleep besides this tree. Which is rotten." Jasper hugged me all of a sudden. My heart thumped, my blood ran to my cheeks. I couldn't breathe. Why did he had to tear my heart apart? Then he pushed me out from his body and I was feeli9ng my good old me again. "Come on, I'll find you someplace to sleep, sis." He smiled. Then he took me by the hand, grabbed our bags and yanked me through the forest. We walked very far. I felt my feet being eaten up in my shoes. My feet were feeling blistering. I could swear that I had walked my socks the shreds before we got there. And when we got there… I mean _wow_. I hadn't seen a place like this before. The forest lay around and fringed a little, tiny piece of paradise. A grand house lay out to the lake. Mountains formed a little valley. The house were big. It were made of tree and then just whatever houses else are made of. It had about two floors. Hope sparkled inside of me. Humans, someone, who hopefully, could speak English.

Jasper felt my hope. I looked him. He looked at me. Then he shrugged. No humans. No one was around. He would have heard them. My ignited hope crumbled down to nothing as I sank into knees. 'Cause my knees couldn't bear the weight of my body and my disappointment. No humans. Jasper and I were the only human, and vampire, in radius of… Well, who knows where people were?

"Jasper, can't you scent our way back to the town we were in?" My voice were pleading. He sighed so heavily when he answered: "No, I was gone too long to scent our way back. We'll just have to break into the house."

"Should we break our way into this house?! Jasper, even though we aren't in America, I don't think breaking in into anybody's house, no matter where you are, are legal." Even though vampires can't sleep, because they don't need sleep, they can still get the feeling of being annoyed, tired or something else. They can still feel, even though there bodies are ice cold and they're indestructible. Jasper showed me that by growling, and I retreated into my own world. I had crossed the line _way_ too much. Jasper, as he could feel my emotions, retreated to himself too by saying: "I check if there's any way in, without _actually _breaking in." And there I stood in the corner of paradise with a vampire and blushed.

Jasper sprang up on the house and crawled around in it. Then he disappeared. Disobeying his rules, I closed in on the house. Then the door opened, so suddenly, that my heart jumped up in my hair. Normally you would say throat, but this was way to fast to _just_ be in my throat. It was in my hair, my heart. It was just Jasper, though.

He smiled at me, like the situation we just had didn't happen at all. I _would _have taken our bags and dragged myself in into the house and then find a bed. It's just that I was still on my knees. Jasper came out of the house. He scratched me up, like I was his bride and carried me inside. He then went back to get our belongings, which were just our bags. We didn't have anything else, remember? Jasper ran around in the house, looking for a phone, since I couldn't. My feet hurt and grey streams ran down my cheeks. I felt nauseas. My clothes were wet and it was like there came steam out of it, since we were in the house and I was getting warmer. I could feel the sickness already. I hadn't noticed it before when I was out in the cold. But now, finally getting warmth, I could feel it. It was like it had been lurking ever since we went out in the woods.

"There's no phone, no radio, no television. Nothing electrical except for light and such. There is food though, so you won't starve", Jasper said, pointing against the kitchen. "How can _this_ place be deserted?" I asked, mostly to myself, wondering.

"I guess we're just lucky." He smirked.

"Now then", he said as he swung me over his back, "let's get you into bed."

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**_Review please! You know you want to --- Don't miss out the next chapter! -Marianne._**


	6. Undergarment

**Disclaimer: Me no own. I hadn't wrote that in the last couple of chapters, so here it is again.**

**Annotiation: It's your fault! It's your fault I'm sitting here with a lack of sleep at _03:35_ in the night. But since you all asked for it...To all of those reviewers, _few_ but still, you know who you are, this is for _you_! I was touched to tears when I read all of your reviews!**

**I've been a scout once. I know; _geek_! But still, I walked 25 kilometers, that's what we count in in Denmark, and got _HUGE_ blisters. Instead of treating them with Compeed or such medicament, my feet were _brutally_ _raped_ by a knife that cut the blisters off! I must say it hurts a lot, but I didn't cry ;)**

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I woke up next morning, feeling disorientated and confused. Where was I? Where was Edward? My feet hurt, and I had a headache, so I didn't even bother to get up and get dressed. I just lay in this bed and let my thoughts drift around. It didn't come with a sudden realization, like it was suppose to say _bang_ and hit me in my face. Not like it all. My thoughts drifted, as I said before, and I thought of Edward, how far away from him I was, what he was doing. It was like my brain had gone numb, it was like I really wasn't _in_ my thoughts. I _knew_ they were mine. I just couldn't recognize them. They belonged to someone else, someone in my body, saying my words, moving my body. I didn't belong in my body.

"Morning", a velvet voice said to me. Inside I hoped it was Edward. I _really_ hoped it was Edward. But in the same time, I knew I would enjoy disappointment. "Hi, Jasper", I greeted him, stretching my arms up in the air. First _then_ the realization of what I had done, where I was, and most important, whom I was with. Jasper sat in a chair in the opposite site of the room where I was. Then I flushed, suddenly aware of what I was wearing. Or more like _what I wasn't wearing. _I was trying to clutch as much of fabric I could get around my body. "What-what happened?"

_He would smile. "Can't you remember? We made love. Good morning, beloved."_

I slapped myself inside. How stupid, being a perverted teenager and even from the morning. Christ!

Jasper smiled. "Can't you remember?" Oh. God. Was this… for real? Had I just predicted the future? Inside myself I was torn to shreds, I wanted for him to say something different and I wanted him to say exactly what he had been telling me in my mind. What was wrong with me? What had I become? _I want Edward, I want Edward, I want Jasper. _Ups. Fatal error in my head. _Nothing to worry about, Bella, _my conscious told me. _You just made an error. You thought of Jasper just before, and then you were in such a rush, you mixed it all up and Jaspers name appeared. _I nudged my inner self. Telling me, _sometimes you're great, you know._ To make the border between us even more clear I said to him: "So, what are we going to do today?" I really hoped he would say _we could jump on a plane and fly to Spain so you can see Edward, how 'bout that?_ But in my head, my sense told me that that isn't going to happen. Right now at least.

"Bella, have you even looked at your feet?" Jasper giggled a bit. What was so funny about my feet? I didn't like them. I think my toes are weird, too. It's my least favorite part of body. I pulled the sheets away and almost burst into tears. My feet where full of blisters. They were white in the middle, and then where the edge went they were a tender rose. Over night they had swollen up. My feet would never fit a couple of shoes again, I was sure! They hurt, it was like all my feelings, except for the cold I had, was narrowed down to my feet. Needles stuck me time and time again. Pain. The pain would last forever. I was in hell. I sobbed. Jasper didn't know what to do. Usually I didn't cry, and Edward was always there to take care of me and hold me if I did. Besides, his emotions must have felt like shit, being effected by mine. I sobbed a little, no tears coming over the border I had drawn in my head. I would not _really_ cry.

"Uhm, I-I went through the house. Looks like there lives man and a woman here. But there not here, and it doesn't seem like they're coming back soon, in spite of the food. It helped me that he talked of something different. I know Jasper was in the army, and even a couple of years ago, they would still use the same old method for blisters - cut them off! It's not like today where you get a little blister_, drive_ to the supermarket, then get a pack of Compeed and everything's super-duper. I had once seen a person get blisters cut off in a film. It's not like I would ever try that. I would rather be bitten by James again.

"Come, let's get some clothes on you." He dragged me out of the bed to sit in his chair. Now, still a bit numb in my brain and spacing out, I realized that I was wearing a shirt and my underpants. Period. I blushed. This was Jaspers shirt. The one that he had brought with him. I hadn't seen that he had changed shirt. I smelled at the collar. It smelled like… sun. Something warm, not dusty, just like a nice summer day where you can walk around in whatever you would like, as long as it wasn't too much clothes. I snapped out of the dreamy atmosphere. Still I lingered on the thought on how he could get my clothes off me, and still not _see_ me. I blushed even more. I wouldn't ask him. It would be forgotten. And I would start forgetting right now. Failure.

This house could might as well have been Jasper and Alice's. There were men's clothes to Jasper, which fitted perfectly and was his style. There was a _huge_ wardrobe. Yes, I could step into it. And what's even more amazing is, that the most of the clothes were not even used. I would gladly thank the lord for unused underwear. Unfortunately, in France they have a bit more… piquant taste in underwear. Lace, blonde, ribbons. Everything in a sexy cut, which would fit every woman from France. Just not me. First of all, I came from the USA and for the second, ugh, I feel like I have to whisper it, I don't have as big breasts as other women. Jasper pulled a package up from the bundle of boxes from shops that sounded very sophisticated or sexy. What Jasper had found made me almost die of embarrassment. It was a box and within it there were a couple of underwear. Underpants in green and black with a pattern on. A bustier there was related to the corset, if I'm right. The ribbon was green, making everything all in all look more dynamic. I know I would look to any other man really hot, I would look slim and because it was a bustier, it had an inside bra. I would probably get a great cleavage. I wish I could faint. All the blood I had, every ooze I had, ran up in my head. It felt like my head had become huge. It was bloated with blood. It was black, but with green blonde on the edges and a ribbon to bind in front. Why did this woman had to have such a piquant taste in underwear? Or was it her husband that had bought it for her. Was this why it lay in a box?

"Well, go on. Try it on." I tried to convince Jasper that that wasn't such a good idea. We argued over it, until I surrendered. I sighed, heavily, trying to put as much effort I could into that sigh. Really childish, I must admit. But… I always felt like a child when Jasper was near. Compared to him, no matter how old I would get, I was still a child in his eyes. Did I just abide with it, because he could toy with my emotions?

So I stood there, in barely nothing and was going to try the most sexiest underwear I had _ever_ seen. And _Jasper_ stood before me, not turning around, leaving or anything. Just stood there with his golden eyes looking at me like I was to eat, to… make love to. No matter how much I wanted to break our gaze, I couldn't. I was literally mesmerized by those eyes. _Edward, _my conscious told me. And I was thereby out of the spell.

"Wo-Would you mind turning around?" My fingers automatically making a circle in the air. He turned around ever so slowly. When I was sure he didn't look, I peeled of his shirt, putting on the underwear. While I did it, I wondered why I always stuttered when I talked to Jasper. _Was it because I was afraid of him? Was it because he made me nervous? _And out of that thought came _**why**__ does he make me nervous? _

"You may turn around now, Jasper", I said to him, poking him on his shoulder. I wish he had picked me something to put on _over _the underwear. "Bella", he said. The next thing I knew he launched at me, and I fell backwards to the bed. He hugged me. I could feel his breathe at my neck. His scent overwhelmed me. It was just _so_ strong. So intense and real. I wanted to breathe that smell forever. Why? Why did he hug me like this? I was engaged, he was married to my best friend in the world. But when he held me like this, I didn't care.

He nudged my head, and I came out of my little bubble-dream.

"You look good, sis."

He walked away from me. "Do you want something to eat? I can bring it up to you, since you can't walk."

"N-No. No, thank you. I'm fine right now.

Then the sobs came in in my breathes. I couldn't breathe. My throat twisted, my voice got thin, I winced.

_Sis._

How I hated that word.

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**Sorry, no Playlist ahead...not really listening to anything lately...weird. Anyway..._REVIEW!!!_ You _know_ you want to _push this button_---- _-Marianne._**


	7. Date?

**_Disclaimer: Sorry, me no own!_**

**_Annotiation: I want more reviews! Oh, and in case anybody didn't know; a bustier is "a tight overpart with inbuiltet stags. It's kindred with the corset", I hope we get to hear more about that, "but with a bra builtet in it and strops. It gives a flat stomach. It's now mostly used piquant or as a part you can put over your dress." _**

**_Oh, and I got a song for you; Everlong ~ Foo Fighters_**

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_Isabella Swan. I have loved you for a while now. Please, stay with me. I know, we shouldn't be together. But I also know how horrible it is without you._

He took a deep breathe_. You are not suppose to be apart from me. I know what you feel, remember? _His voice was so sore that I could cry. We stood close to each other. Not close like that, but we could almost touch each other. As you say, so close, yet so far. I measured how many inches we were apart, longing for his embrace. _You're the only person I ever wanted this way._ I stood at his site. Our fronts were opposite each other. I couldn't look him in the eyes, which I were glad I couldn't. It hurt to much. Surges went through my stomach. It tickled in my body. Yet, I felt like I was on the edge of crying. I wanted to cry. To cry in his arms. He turned around. I looked at him, dazed as I was. His eyes were black. They enchanted me in their color._ Why would I want to be with a man, that could with a twitch of his fingers break my neck?_ He craved for my blood, and it… turned me on. Knowing the danger, the forbiddingness of our love. The hurt, the sorrow. I knew it all, still I wanted it. It made me cry. I couldn't hide my true feelings for Jasper. He always knew. He knew everything I felt. He always understood me. He… were the one I loved. Higher than my life. When Edward wasn't around, he wasn't in my mind, it hurt me that I could through our love away. Just like _that._ A goddess came running past us. She had dark, spiky hair. Her face was like a pixie's. Jasper pushed me gently out from his body to take a better look on me. He sighed. It made my heart break. What now?

_You really_ are_ a mere human. I can't believe I fell in love with you. _He turned away from me. He was gone. I had given up everything for him, and when he saw the goddess, he left me. I was devastated. He _left _me. He had left me, and had broken my heart. It was like it could never be mended again. All I had left were the shattered shards of my heart. I couldn't cry. There was something in my head, that said that I was suppose to cry. Instead I felt numb inside. Like I was shallow. Or hollow. Like there wasn't something _in_ me. The part of me that had a mind.

I heard somebody weep and wince. I followed the weeping. I heard mumbles. I would have liked to _walk _to the place the crying came from. But I couldn't see my body. I laughed inside a little over being body less. It was dark. Dark in the beginning. Then, as I closed in, it became brighter. I could see _light_ now. In my mind I swam for the light. Though I didn't had a body of any kind.

"Shhhh, you're safe. Shhh. You're safe." He wrapped his arms around me. My body trembled in big moves. I didn't _feel _safe. I was too bewildered to look around me and realize I was in the bedroom. It was dark. Jasper had turned on a light. It was _the_ light. The one I had swum for. So it was all just a dream huh? I wish a hadn't dreamt it all. And then, the part with Jasper where he talked to me… I wished it _really_ would happen. I wish his embrace wouldn't be broken. I wished to disappear into him. Being with him forever._ Edward_, I winced inside my head. My tears stopped. Eventually. I released me from Jaspers grip.

"Just a nightmare." I bet my cheeks were streamed in grey. I probably looked awful. He let go of me, and I couldn't breathe. I still wanted his embrace… _so badly._ I'm just a teenager, but God, could you be anymore perverted?

"I made you food." Jasper looked shy. "I… I saw it on a video and made it. It's a bit French, I hope you don't mind." I didn't mind at all. I shrugged and Jasper seemed more at ease. He went into the closet and then came back with clothes for me. A red shirt with long sleeves and dark blue jeans with low waist. Without looking back, he walked out of the room. I was alone in the room, but I felt him near me. He was _just outside the door. _I wanted him to come in and carry me to the bed. Oh, those hormones.

"Jasper, you may come in now", I said with a firm voice. He looked at me and smiled, a smile I felt was put on his face. He didn't mean it when he smiled. He carried me downstairs into the kitchen. I gasped. My eyes must have been deceiving my mind, my nose, too. On the counter were a dish with stewed potatoes in cream, root fruits baked in oven with salt and pepper on top, chicken meat in some marinade with a salad a the site with tomatoes, cucumber, iceberg salad and some leafs that were green, but in the end of those leafs they were red and tasted sour-sweet in my mouth. All in all, heavenly.

When I hat ate the most of the food, I sat and poked to the sour-sweet leafs and felt embarrassed. Jasper hat sat and looked at my face ever since we got downstairs. I left the fork at the plate. I haven't ate like that since… well, I can't remember right now. "Thank you, Jazz, it was really delicious." I smiled at him. And I regretted doing it. I had just been a fool right now. _Really_ stupid, Bella. His eyes glowed with such a light I got scared. He smiled, letting his teeth show. Perfect white flashed me in the eyes. "Ja-Jasper…", I coughed, not because of the cold I had, " are… are you _hungry_?" He sighed. "No, Bella. I have just fed nearby. Don't worry I took care of the remaining of…Well, you know." We laughed. Jasper had fed, and I had fed, without being the food.

"Hmm, seems like you have to stay here, until you can walk again. But how about tomorrow we'll have dinner and spend time together? You know, so I can get to know you and you can get to know me." I felt very bold at that moment. Why _shouldn't _I have dinner with Jasper again? Why shouldn't I fall in love with him? I know it may seem wrong, but I would really like to just do what I wanted. Follow my heart, instead of listening to my head. Not caring about consequences. And again, I would be Edwards wife and be in family with Jasper. But no one knew about this. I was sure. Edward couldn't hear our thoughts, and Alice couldn't get her _sights._ My feelings were contradicting them selves over and over again.

"Well… is it…", did I dare ask him? "Is it like a date or something?" Looks like I _did_ dare. He smiled even wider. "Yes, you can call it a date if you want to." "Okay, then. I'll _go out_ with you", I tried to push a lot of pressure on _go out_. Trying to make it sound like it was just for fun. But I really _did_ wish that I could mean it. That I really _could _go out with him. _How troublesome this unrequited love is, _I thought to myself. Then it came up to the surface. I… I was in love… with _Jasper Hale! He _grabbed me and took me upstairs, saying he would take and wash all the things when I were asleep.

He let me get off him and walked out of the room. I got undressed and were still in my borrowed underwear when I slid in Jaspers shirt. I didn't care that he would scold me. I wanted to wear it. So I did. He came in, just after I had finished dressing. He had my bag pack in his left hand and his eyes on it. "I thought you might want to… read your book, so I..." The last couple of words were said slow. His voice trailed off. Why was it, that every time I had changed my clothes, he would be astonished? It wasn't something different from what I used to wear at night. Was it because we were alone in a place no one seemed to know about? Horror surged through me. It was because I was wearing his shirt, wasn't it? "I-I'm sorry, Jasper…" I wanted to apologize to him. "It's nothing, Bella." Then he went back to be _same-old-Jasper-that-we-all-knew._

He handed me my bag pack. I searched for my book. "The Notebook" the title said. Very good book. It was one among three I had in my bag pack. Jasper picked up the third and lay himself in "my" bed.

"It's alright, Bells", he mumbled. "I just want you to feel like Edward was here." I crawled on my knees, I couldn't walk, you know, over to Jazz. "Okay, Jazz."

I was halfway through the book, when I dozed off. I had kept an eye on how fast Jasper read the book. Human pace, it seemed like. I had always thought Jazz weren't the big book reader, but sometimes he would laugh at something there stood in the book. I couldn't get a word out of him _why_ he would laugh.

I fell asleep and dreamed of my own Paradise. With Jasper. The one I had fell in love with.

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_**It gets more exciting, huh? Review please, you know you want to! Did you know, reviewing makes the publishments come even faster? So go, go, go! -Marianne.**_


	8. The Date

**Disclaimer: Me No Own!**

**------THERE MAY BE SOME MATURE CONTENT, WHO KNOWS. DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T LIKE ROMANCE, LOVE AND THIS STORY-------**

**Hello again! Sorry I didn't update sooner today. I was busy... But when I got home, I sat down and wrote this to _you_. I _knooow _it's been something you've been waiting for. And just so everybody got it right; _Bella and Jasper HAVEN'T slept together_. Yet. *Evil Mood: ON* The chapters where I left them in bed are just cliffies. Sorry for the confusion it may have caused you. I know it's a lot longer than my usual, sorry. Weep and cry, that's what I did when I wrote the ending. Enjoy! **

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What had I done? I knew it somewhere inside of me. But I couldn't quite understand it myself. Jasper had asked me to go on a "date". How I wish it was a real date. But I knew also that it wasn't. And all in this I found out that I was in love with him. I was engaged to Edward, but I was in love with Jasper. How my world seemed to go nuts. I was happy inside, but also sad. What would my world have been if I had fallen in love with Jasper from the beginning? Would he have saved me from the car that would have killed me? Would he had resisted killing me at all if he could? I didn't know. How confusing all this was.

My feet were still hurting, but my blisters wasn't so red and sore any more. I couldn't wear anything on my feet though. I walked around in nothing on my feet. I would like to find a way out of here. A way out of paradise. But if I did, would I leave? Would I forget I was in love with Jasper Hale?

I had found a dress in the wardrobe. I didn't want to let Jasper see it before our date. It was suppose to be a surprise. That's why I had found this myself. It was red and thin. It went to a little above my knee. It had a V-formed opening, revealing my little cleavage. The strops were black and had laces. There wasn't anything in particular printed on it of motives. It had black pearls on strings attached to the dress. I sat in front of the mirror, worried about how to let my hair be done. How silly it seemed, I had always let Alice make me pretty. The red dress made my hair look darker. I finally, after considering an ocean of possibilities, I just let my hair down. I didn't want to wear make up. I walked carefully down the stairs. Making a slow entrance. Gosh, was I making a slow entrance, or did I just want to look pretty to Jasper?

Jasper had made me dinner, and had self hunted earlier. He had easy finding animals nearby. They were almost right outside our door. Jasper had brought water and wine. He didn't want to drink it himself probably, but there weren't anything else I could have to drink. I walked though the kitchen, noticing everything about it. Feeling a little nervous walking through. I walked through the hall and outside. Took a while 'cause I didn't want to have my feet hurt again. Jasper had taken care of my feet. Saying it was his fault they were sore. They weren't swollen anymore at least. He had bathed them in warm water, though it didn't help much when he held his dead cold hands around them. The sun beamed down on me. The sun was slowly setting, making a perfect scenario. I had spent the day in the bed. I wanted to look awful to Jasper. Haven't washed my hair or put on proper clothes. Just my underwear and a blouse. I wish I had tempted him. I _wanted_ to tempt him. Either he would see me like that and say we couldn't go on our "date" because, well, I looked awful. That's also why I had spent the whole day in bed. And then when I got all "prettied up" I wanted to dazzle him. Yeah right. Like _that_ was going to happen. I smiled a sarcastic smile at the thought. My mouth probably looked weird. I could feel the warmth from the sun on them, my lips. Jasper looked at me. I smiled shyly. _Had_ I dazzled him? No way. I thought I had dazzled him for a moment 'cause he almost dropped his jaw, his eyes were sort of glued on me, and a really weird emotion blasted me, but I couldn't recognize it. What was it with this feeling? My mind, far out as it is, didn't even notice anymore. Jasper wore a dark blue shirt, almost associated with black, and a pair of jeans, a little bit rough at the edges. His blonde hair looked beautiful. Like a group of stylists had just passed by and attacked him with their hair products and accidentally made his hair look perfect. Okay, I was dazzled - so what? I would remember this night, while Jasper should try and forget it. This had never happened. We weren't in this place and I wasn't wearing this dress and I wasn't in love with Jasper. This didn't exist.

Jasper were by my site before I could even blink twice. He smiled at me, and I smiled a weird smile back. Probably 'cause I hadn't seen him like this before. The last couple of days he had seemed humanly. He took me by the arm and escorted me to the table. We sat on the porch and ate. Or more like I ate and he watched me. I drank a glass of wine because Jasper encouraged me to do it. How easily I obeyed him. I think it took me a long time getting done eating. Mostly because I didn't know what was going to happen afterwards. What would happen. But I finished, eating everything on the plate. I felt embarrassed as usual. What _would _happen now?

"Have you read your book?" Looks like he wanted to start a conversation with me. I smiled and felt more at ease. "Yeah, I have." He smiled back at me, probably feeling me feeling more at ease. "May I borrow it?" He send a wave of warmth and comfort towards me. I took it and giggled a bit. "You don't have to ask me to borrow it." I kept on giggling, feeling a bit like a idiot. I took a sip more from the glass. Jasper also giggled, reflected by my emotions. Suddenly I knew I was looking at him seriously. The sun made his skin sparkle. "Jasper, why aren't Alice having any flashes?" His facial expression became stiffened. His lips were tight. Then, stupid, stupid, stupid as I am, I kept on vomiting out the words. "Why haven't you left me here and looked around for a town with a phone? Why did you leave your phone? Why did Edward send you to go with me back then?" I felt horrible. It kept on vomiting the things I would _never_ had said to him. _That's just great! Why don't you just tell him you love him also? Then you will have one Bella plus an angry vampire that equals a _dead _Bella._ I really wanted my conscious to shut up, and the words I had said to crawl back into my mouth, keep on being unspoken. Jasper stood up. I felt his restlessness. He didn't know what to do, to react, to answer. He walked past me, into the house again. But now that I had spoken the words aloud, I want some answers. I followed him. _Great! One dead Bella plus a vampire feeling forever guilty equals a devastated Edward. _My inner self cheered at the thought. Humping back into the house and into the kitchen I found Jasper sitting with an old guitar playing my favorite tune in the world. The words came out before I even thought it through. Why hadn't I asked him before? Had I always knew it, but was too afraid to ask?

"Jasper", I began, he didn't look at me, "that tune you didn't want me to listen to on your iPod… did you make it?" I had never realized that more than one Cullen could be talented in music. I thought that Edward was the music genius in the family. He sighed. I could feel that he wasn't fond of telling me this. He were hiding this from me. "I made this a little while ago." Then, the anger came back again. It radiated from him, and if I could, I would jump back of fear. He changed the sweet crispy tones to some harder tones. It was beautiful, sorrowful but beautiful. It was like there was a heart in the song. Like it was living. My heartbeats' pace accelerated and I could feel my own poor heart beat as a rabbits'. I felt like it was beating its way out of my chest.

"Bella, dance." That wasn't a question or a request. It was a demand. "Jasper, I-I can't dance", I started. His eyes looked up at me. They were black. "Bella", his jaw was clenched, "dance." I would like to say I would have protested and hadn't danced at all, but my hips were moving at the end of his words. I must admit, it was hesitating later on, 'cause I didn't knew what to do. I couldn't dance like the sexy girls in the music videos, and I certainly didn't look like one of them, so I was unsure on what to do. Then I just didn't care. It wasn't a lot of people, it was only Jasper. I felt more comfortable around him. My hips were moving to the sound of the guitar. I danced, not even noticing Jasper when I was really into it. I were twirling and spinning, throwing my arms in the air, dancing with my soul. I admit it must have looked stupid to one from outside, but I was really having fun. I didn't notice the music sometimes - or had it stopped, and I was just dancing? - and I didn't care. Well, just until the music _actually_ stopped. I were still moving, then I turned around towards Jasper. Why had he stopped? If he didn't want to play, I wouldn't dance. Dancing as weird as I did was weird, but tolerable. But dancing without music like this was even weirder. I heard a clattering. My heart almost stopped. Jasper were right in front of me. His breathing were quick and uneven. I looked blankly at him, feeling like an animal caught in the lights of a vehicle. Was he going to kill me now? I was about to ask, when he wrapped his arms around me. I didn't even had time to feel that this was _so _wrong. My stomach suddenly got heavy and pulled downwards. It was like there was a rock in my stomach now. The ache was bitter sweet, knowing this was wrong and yet I craved for it like nothing else. Tears whelmed up, my arms were standing still in the air, not knowing what to do with them. I placed my arms on his back as I knew there was no going back. He kissed my neck, and I wished he would put his fangs in it. I gasped, and kissed him quickly on the cheek. My knees wobbled. Jasper took me in his arms, his arms wrapping tighter around me.

"I won't let you go now." His kisses felt like fire on my skin. Ironic thinking he was cold as the dead. With a sudden motion he kissed me fiercely, his lips brushing against mine. I guess I had tempted him too much. This is what got. This is what I deserved. I waited for him to sink his teeth into my neck. I felt his desire more than radiate on me. I cried. I felt like a horrible person. I always got what I wanted. I didn't care about others feelings. I was selfish. I was _wrong_.

"Hush", Jasper whispered into my ear. "Don't cry. I know what you feel, Bella. Trust me." Then he dragged me while I was in his arms towards the bedroom. We got up the stairs. The door was open. There was dim in the room. The sheets were black. Outside it had started raining with big, fat drops from heaven. I've once read that the raining in France in the summer period was always brief. This rain seemed somehow different. It made music on the roof as Jasper sat me on the bed. He closed the door with one foot. He kissed me, the aching in my stomach was full of confusion, butterflies, hate towards myself and bliss. I clung to Jaspers over body as he crawled over to the bedpost. I was dragged along. The water on the windows shined over at Jaspers face. It looked like there were waves on his face. I looked at the sheets, turning my face. I let him kiss my throat, even though I could feel his bloodlust. This must be so hard for him, being so close to me and yet crave for my blood and body. Knowing, he mustn't have anything because of the circumstances. I felt one of the black strops from my dress being pulled down my shoulder. Jasper kicked of his shoes, Converse they were. Then he pulled away from me. He grabbed the edge of his shirt and pulled it over his head. He looked tenderly at me. I could see, and feel, that even though he wanted this as much as me, it hurt him. My hand reached out to touch him, to feel the contours of his body. I pulled him down.

This wasn't suppose to be the date I thought it would be. But this was the date I _wanted_ it to be.

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**I wasn't going to write another chapter tomorrow. But if you write a review, you may have the time shortened a bit. Push the button, you _knooow_ you want to! _- Marianne_.**


	9. Rain

_**Disclaimer: Me No Own, As Usual!**_

**_Annotiation: Hello! And thank you for all your wonderful reviews. You know who you are. This is a filler, sorry. To _susana75;_ From that night they were "in bed" they had an affaire. Just not physically. Yet. The song I can't reveal anything about. Yet. The cellphones and the whole thing that they find this house *cough-"accidentally"-cough* and the whole thing that there are food and clothes, and that Jasper, even with his super-sight didn't notice they were going the wrong way... Has anybody thought of that? And about Spain, nice to know you're from Spain first of all, then I will have to say that they're in Spain because of football. (I know, how uninspirrated it is for me to think of football, when Spain have many other things worth looking at.) And YES I'm mean! I know, I know "When will they DO IT?!" They still haven't done it. Yet. *Oh, how I LOVE teasers.* I would REALLY like to say that they're going to do it...but who knows? *OMJ, did I just question myself?* And yes, I'm being really evil by not releasing any chapter yesterday. Weeeeell, that's because I made a teaser *You know I love them, right?*_**

**_Oh, and song for all you lovely persons out there: Dido ~ My Life._**

_Jasper Hale:_

She sat in the window. The rain was pouring down outside. Big, fat drops, just like back then… She was full of anger. Confusion. She felt like she had been betrayed. I knew why. I sighed.

"Won't you have some tea?" I stood with the cup in my hand, feeling the burning heat from it. A normal human wouldn't have hold it in their hands. She kept on looking out the window. I was a vampire, and I could stay silent for years, but her silence was excruciating. It was like a scolding to me with emotions. She looked indifferent. I heard something break. I felt something hot run down my fingers. I looked at them. Well, then it didn't matter with the tea. I felt her anger affect me. Now I was angry. _Great!_ Just simply _great_! I pulled myself up on the kitchen counter. I swung "my" guitar around and started playing. Even though I was really old in age and maturity, I was really childish. I just _knew_ that this would probably piss her off for a moment. A moment, because she had a really good hold on her emotions and she also thought on when I played for her back then…

_She reached for me. I lay down at her. The face of Alice was torturing while the lust became stronger by the second. I was cheating on Alice. Had our years meant nothing? Would I cheat on her, even if I hadn't fall for Bella - 'cause I _had _fallen for Bella? I kissed her, even though feeling the agony in my body of venom and lust. It took all of my concentration to not kill her. I wanted to… _so _badly that I didn't know how to react. The strop on Bella's tempting, red dress I pulled down. I felt like I was doing something that would change our future. The future for everyone. She felt it, too. I did the worst thing afterwards. I pulled back. I wouldn't have sex with her. Tonight at least. When we could have our emotions under more control, perhaps then… But I would have to stop right now. _

Now I felt like I was all alone in the world. I couldn't hear Bella's breathing or heart thump or the sound of my guitar. Darkness surrounded me, light faded from my sight. Yet, I can still see everything around me. I hated this.

Days went by. Bella loosened a little up by the day. Her blisters were almost gone. Or so it seemed. She still needed me to get around. She wanted me to go and find a phone. I wouldn't. _I won't leave you. Edward will be mad._ Lame excuse. I hoped it would work. And I hoped that when she asked me it was because she felt guilty to Edward. _Edward._ He was my brother. I saw him as a brother in some ways. We weren't as close as we could be. I hated him, actually. I wanted to kill him. The anger was consuming me into another darkness. I liked to linger here. To feel the pain. How masochistic it was of me. I didn't even hear her as she approached me.

"Jasper?" She was uncertain. I clenched my jaw. I almost spit the words with acid on her: "What is it?" She took a step back. I had frightened her. "I don't want… I want to…", she stopped talking. Took a breath in, then exhaled, starting anew. "I don't want Alice and Edward to find out…about…well, us." She looked me straight in the eyes. I thought how brave she was. This must have been hard saying to me. I could _feel _it. "I… I want to be with you, Jazz." Her voice was frail, deep and slow as she spoke. Trying to let it get to me probably. Amidst the words, her breathing became uneven. What was she thinking?

"Jazz", she ghosted, "I want to be with you. I know we can't, but for the time we're here, I want to be together with you. I believe, that if we're not, this will affect us all after my, uhm, ´transformation´. But after this", she was making this very clearly to me, "we can't be together. _Ever_." Her heart thumped. "And… I… won't let things like _that_ happen." Things like that. Things like us. In bed. Together. "I… understand." She wanted for us to be together, but not passionate like I wanted to. I felt a bit on the side. I was just her other experience. Nothing to remember, just a fling. Nothing serious. Nothing at all. I had a little trouble smiling at her. My "smile" probably looked false. I know she always looked right through my deceit. She wouldn't comment it. But she would think it over.

Things between us got better. Except, I wasn't with her as I thought she said she would like to be. I tried to approach her, trying to caress her sometimes. She would always recoil, bend or something so I wouldn't touch her. It became like a game to me. You-may-touch-me-but-you-can't game. She was my game, my prey. But I shouldn't think of her as my prey. I would only kill her then. Perhaps that's why I hunted unusual much more than I used to. But somehow it seemed like that the only blood I would be satisfied with would be Bella's. I loved her. Though, this "relationship" we had hurt me. Sometimes I felt, if I had one, my soul would have been devoured. I couldn't take it. Being with her, though not touch her or have sex with her and having this relationship, that sooner or later would have to end. I wanted to touch her… so badly. The urge stronger than the bloodlust. It seemed like that this end of paradise, as Bella called it, would end. Just like our relationship. And speaking of endings, suddenly, one day, the rain stopped. It had rained for days, the same sound as that night. It was patting on the roof, making it's own little background noise. Sometimes, Bella would have a headache, and would ask me to play something. I don't know if she was having a headache because of the rain and wanted me to block it out or she just wanted me to play. I really hoped she wanted me to play. I couldn't feel her emotions clearly as much any longer. It was a bundle of emotions contradicting them selves before she even spoke the next word on her beautiful lips. The rain stopped, but she didn't ask me to stop playing.

It was a beautiful day. I loved teasing Bella, so I made her a suggestion. _Bella, go find a bikini in the closet. We're going swimming. _She looked at me like I was crazy._ We-we're going swimming?_ she asked disbelieving. _But the rain just stopped- _I cut her off with something about that the weather was too good to stay inside and just sit.

So here I waited in my jeans at the beaches' side. I was only wearing my jeans and underwear. Just because I didn't underwear, it doesn't mean that I feel so comfortable without them. I could see things reflect from my sparkling body. The sun was at its highest when Bella finally came. I could see that she was wearing a bikini, but she didn't seem….quite at ease. I didn't even have to read her emotions that she was embarrassed over wearing the bikini, glad to see me and hating me for pulling her out. She had even wrapped a towel around her. I walked fast over to her. "Bella, you don't need this", I said. Then, a thing I wanted to do, I just did. A spur of the moment. I took the towel and ripped it out of her hands. Bella, flushing all the way down to her feet, hit me for fun. "Jasper!", she gasped. I looked at her. Oh no. The desire was already there. I couldn't help it. Standing there in almost nothing, having me got all turned on a few days ago and flushing like that, I couldn't help but attack her. I pushed her to the ground, gently. She looked at me, first confused, then she…she… she invited me! She stretched her hands towards me. I got close to her. She whispered my name like it was going to save her from my kisses. She moaned. I felt a high at that. An energy sprang up from inside of me, and the monster I am revealed. I felt malice coming from myself. I wanted to _hurt _her. I pulled back, and it was very hard not to continue. "Bella, please! Remember your own words." I got up on my legs and walked out in the water, trying to let the water clam me, when not even my own powers couldn't. But I could feel her emotions. Regret. Yeah, that was the one. _Regret._ I can only hope that the regret was because she had told me those words. Then, in her dark blue bikini she came out to me.

She wrapped her arms around me. I could feel the contours of her body in my back. Her arms were like snakes made of fire around my body. I felt a surge in my stomach. "Jasper, I'm sorry I've been so cold to you. It's just…you know." Apparently she wouldn't finish that sentence. "What?" I asked, trying to turn my head so I could see her. "I probably can't stop if we're close. I feel so…" I turned around, putting a finger upon her lips. "Hush."

The last of the day we spent together in the water. Me swimming, Bella clutching at my body. When we were done and the sun had gone down, I walked her back to her room. She went into a bath. All I could do, was to stand outside her door, trying to convince myself, that I shouldn't walk in on her. Right before the knob turned and she opened the door, I still wasn't sure. She said goodnight to me, then she gave me a brief kiss on my cheek. "'Night, Jazz."

Oh, if she only knew what I had done. I don't regret it. But I feel like a monster.

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**_Oh, I'm so evil! And as usual, the REVIEW must be made! Post your thoughts to me, and tell me what you think. I'm really interrested in listening what you think of all this. Push the Revew-button, you knoooow you want to! -Marianne._**

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	10. Spain

**_Disclaimer: Me No Own, as usual. _**

**_Hi guys! It's been such a long time, but I haven't been able to upload because my computer was down and then didn't want to log me on! Oh. The. Horror. But I'm uploading now. I'm having something called "Projektweek" and it consumes a lot of my time. So There's going to be some spaces between my updates. But please review, I almost got none last time :'(_**

**_Songs: Breathe (Until Tomorrow) ~ Paramore and A Lonely September ~ Plain White T's_**

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I'm such a bad person. I'm wrong. Was I mentally interrupted? I was having an affair… or more like a relationship with my fiancée's brother. Jasper Hale. I didn't want it at the beginning, but my feelings…. I just simply couldn't control them. No matter what, I ended up hurting people. I am so wrong. So bad. But how could I stop my emotions? Jasper could control my emotions. But would he? Would he stop my love towards him, if I asked him to? I got the feeling that he felt the same towards me. Our feelings must be mutual. And that made it even worse! There was a blissful aching inside me. This was wrong, yet I yearned for it. I _craved_ him. I was ready. At the beach I was so ready to… to _do it_ with him. I know he felt my feelings.

My blisters were almost gone. It didn't hurt when I walked around, but sometimes I would have Jasper to carry me. I wanted him to touch me. To feel me after I had distanced myself from him. I know he was hurt. _I__…__ I want to be with you, Jazz._ Those were the words I had used. I had been in a "relationship" with him, but we didn't touch. Barely. Even though I tried to touch him more after the beach episode. I tried to avoid it as much as possible at that time. I didn't want to make things harder. Like it wasn't hard enough. Jasper could kill me.

Those days I spend walking around, now that my blisters were almost gone. There were still rooms I hadn't explored yet. I tried to find excitement because Jasper were out hunting. There was an extra bathroom, a chamber to fill thing up with and then I found a small hall that led out to the outside. I went through that door and walked around the house. My black Converse shoes made weird sounds when the rubber came in contact with the asphalt. I spotted an extra, unexplored part of the building after walking halfway around the house. It was a garage. I walked over to it, closing in the distance. I opened the port to it and walked in into the dim lighted room. I gasped. There was a car. Actually it was a Jaguar XK 120 car from 1954, perhaps, in black. I was an open car and it had very nice proportions. I smiled. We could go to Spain now. I could see Edward! We would be with the ones we loved. But… Jasper and I couldn't be together anymore. I didn't really take notice of that fact. I just shut the gate and ran up in my room. My room missed one wall. On the side there were against the nature was a wall with glass. Not windows, but just… glass. It was also like that the day on our "date". The sky were clear as I sat on the bed and waited for Jasper to come back home. I couldn't wait to tell him. I watched out for about a hour. Then behind me there was a poking. I turned around and faced Jasper. _How did he… ?_ He smiled gently at me and wrapped his arms around me. I smiled a heartbroken smile. Perhaps this were our last hug. Our last embrace. Our last everything. I recoiled a bit and he let go of me. I still tried to smile at him, even though my face must have looked like a masque.

_Jasper_, my mind said. I grinned at him and said: "Jasper, I've got a surprise." I could feel his excitement. I smiled even more and dragged him outside and into the garage. His excitement turned to frustration there burned me. I crept away from him, stumbling into the car. His face were as hard as a rock. "We-we can get away." He was angry. Then he was gone. Disappearing in vampire pace. I knew he wouldn't abandon me. He would probably just be angry. Had I ruined our little piece of paradise? I clenched my hands and walked to the kitchen in an angry and hurt mood.

The feelings between us escalated and became stronger and I snapped: "Then what are we suppose to do then? We can't stay together, Jazz!" - by the hurt feelings the words just poured out of my mouth - "I love no one but Edward!" The words were like ashes in my mouth, like something _old_. I didn't have to hurt him - but why did I then? Why did I always end up hurting him? His back… was is shaking? He clenched his hands open and then clenched them shut.

He turned to look at me. His eyes were small when his hurt voice hit my soul in its violence: "Don't you understand?" _Was he implying that I was the only one that understood him?_ I couldn't help thinking. _Yeah right, yeah right_, my inner self said. I smacked myself inside. My thoughts seemed distanced to the situation. He looked even more hurt at me now. What now - could Jazz read my mind? "I don't want to lose you", his voice thin. I was stunned. I had said to him, that I was in love with Edward and I didn't loved anyone but him and that we couldn't stay together. Yet he said he didn't wanted to lose me. I was really stunned. I was paralyzed. I was mesmerized. He blinked quickly and I lost my breath. "I'll go pack your belongings." He walked up the stairs. "We'll leave in two hours", he said just before he was out of sight. My legs wobbled. Not that much that I needed a chair or anything. But they were still wobbly. I started moving, not really caring where I went. The first thing I noticed was the water. The devouring water of the lake. I sat on the beach. The water smelled different here. Was it because it wasn't salt water? The leaves turned and I could here the rasp of them. The air was warm but still cool. The voice of my conscious plunged into my head all of a sudden and started questioning everything. What would the consequences of our love have? Should Edward and Alice know? How would they take it if that's the case? I stood up, brushing crystals of sand from my jeans and walked towards the house.

"Should we call Edward and tell him that we're on our way?" I was unsure of what I should do. Ever since we got here I had been unsure on what to do. What to say, how to move, even the simple thing of how I should be dressed. Jazz answered her question: "No. We'll surprise them." He threw the bags in the back of the car. The Jaguar XK 120 reflected black paint on me. The car seemed to be warm on the outside because it was black and the sun had radiated on it for about two hours. I wonder what Jazz had spent his two hours with. Jasper jumped in the car, not even bothering opening the door and shutting it again. It looked like Jazz had taken some clothes from the house. There were more than we came. Jasper flicked his sunglasses up and sat them on his ears, looking like a god. Why did he have to dazzle me like that? I would just end up being blind of all that dazzling from the Cullens.

The air made my hair twirl and twist. It flew up and everything, but I didn't even bother trying to do something about it. I was numb in my conscious. It wouldn't have surprised me if my mouth were half open. I stared out my side of the car, trying to block out the thoughts and feelings I felt. It didn't work as I wanted it to. So I turned on the radio. The music was one I could sing along with. I think I did, sang. I wouldn't know. My mind was too far out.

_I climb, I slip, I fall_

_Reaching for your hands_

_But I lay here all alone_

_Sweating all your blood_

_If I could find out how_

_To make you listen now_

_Because I'm starving for you here_

_With my undying love_

_And I, I will_

_Breathe for love tomorrow_

_Cause there's no hope for today_

_Breathe for love tomorrow_

_Cause maybe there's another way_

_I climb, I slip, I fall_

_Reaching for your hands_

_But I lay here all alone_

_Sweating all your blood_

_If I could find out how_

_To make you listen now_

_Because I'm starving for you here_

_With my undying love_

_And I, I will_

_Breathe for love tomorrow_

_Cause there's no hope for today_

_Breathe for love tomorrow_

_Cause maybe there's another way_

_Breathe for love tomorrow_

_Cause there's no hope for today_

_Breathe for love tomorrow_

_Cause maybe there's another way_

_I climb, I slip, I fall_

_Into your empty hands_

_But I lay here all alone_

_Sweating all your blood _

The song could might as well have been about me. I felt more intensity. This song was doing something to Jasper. I wonder what he thought. Right now I would like to have Edwards ability to read minds.

We drove in a long time. We didn't take the highway, even though it would have been a lot faster than just going around on these small roads. The nightfall came slowly. It crept over the sky, making a beautiful landscape. Jasper pulled the car into the sideway.

"What now?" How could I not ask? "You're tired, Bella." I shrugged trying to make this clear. My head felt like it was filled with bricks. My eye lids were heavy. "No, I'm not." I yawned. Jazz smiled at me, his eyes saying _oh really?_ to me. I crawled in the back of the car. Jasper jumped out of the car, of course without bothering opening or shutting the door as always, and plunged his hands into a bag. He pulled out a blanket to me. The stars were bright. Twinkling like diamonds on the heaven. My mind was dizzy as I cradled into Jazz's arms. Wait…

"Jazz, what are you doing?!" I yelled, disbelieving of his act. "I'm sleeping with you." My mind was confused. He smiled. And then intensity overwhelmed us. His eyes darker, not because he was _hungry _but because he was serious. The radio played another sung which Jazz hum to.

_I'm sittin' here all by myself_

_Just tryin' to think of something to do_

_Tryin' to think of something, anything_

_Just to keep me from thinking of you_

_But you know it's not working out'cause you're all that's on my mind_

_One thought of you is all it takes_

_To leave the rest of the world behind_

_Oh, I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did_

_And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did_

_And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did_

_And you didn't mean to love me back_

_But I know you did_

_I__'m sittin' here tryin' to convince myself_

_That you're not the one for me_

_But the more I think, the less I believe it_

_And the more I want you here with me_

_You know the holidays are coming up_

_I don't want to spend them alone_

_Memories of Christmas time with you_

_Will just kill me if I'm on my own_

_Oh, I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did_

_And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did_

_And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did_

_And you didn't mean to love me backI_

_ know it's not the smartest thing to do_

_We just can't seem to get it right_

_But what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight_

_One more chance tonight_

_I'm sittin' here tryin' to entertain myself with this old guitar_

_But with all my inspiration gone it's not getting me very far_

_I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you_

_Oh please, baby won't you take my hand_

_We've got nothing left to prove_

_Oh, I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did_

_And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did_

_And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did_

_And you didn't mean to love me back_

_But I know you did_

_And I didn't mean to meet you then_

_When we were just kids_

_And I didn't mean to give you chills_

_The way that I kiss_

_And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did_

_And you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did_

_Don't say you didn't love me back 'cause you know you did_

_No, you didn't mean to love me back_

_But you did_

"Bella, we're still not with Alice and Edward", he pointed put. "I want to spend as much time with you as possible." He spoke something I didn't catch, I was already asleep. Yet, it made my mind upset. But I couldn't remember the words.

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_**Review! Push the review button and leave a review! You knooow you want to! It will only make things faster 'cause I haven't even written the next chapter yet. - Marianne.**_


	11. There And Back Again

**_Disclaimer: MNO!_**

**_Annotiations: I am REALLY!!! disappointed in you guys. I can see that you favourite my novel and add me to your Story Alerts, but you just don't review. I am seriously considering stopping this novel or putting it on break (in a loooong time.) I want at least one good review with your thoughts by tomorrow night. (Well, at least in Denmark, so if you're in the U.S. you have to hurry!) I could let the Volturi come and kill them all. How 'bout that? I've considered it since I don't get any reviews lately. (Not because I haven't uploaded in a long time.) And about that; I've been busy and I have just had Project Week. *Sighs* Oh, and by the way; I got 10, that's about an A-, in English at out mid-terms. So I'm still greater than those in my class. Hah-ha! Review: Or I'll kill everybody! (Yeah, I know, that must include another chapter, but I'll just write that they die. Perhaps ten lines?)_**

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Bella, we're still not with Alice and Edward. My mind was breaking into pieces by his aching words. I want to spend as much time with you as possible. He didn't know what he was doing to me.

"Bella!" Edward rushed to me. He embraced me so tightly, that I eventually had to tell him to let go of me. He just loosened his grip. Standing with me in his embrace, smelling at my hair. He pulled away. "Bella. You smell like…", he gazed at Jasper, who was also holding Alice in his embrace. I frowned. His eyes were closed and he looked pleased. Was it a lie? Was his words lies? Was he just longing for Alice that much that he cast his attention on me? Edward shrugged above my head, making my body tremble a bit. He smiled his crooked smile, and I felt safe for the first time in those days. Jasper could have killed me anytime. But I was safe in Edwards arms. I was bored. I must admit I got a kick out of being with Jasper. But now, secure and imprisoned in his Edwards arms, I was bored. I looked at Jasper secretly, hoping Edward wouldn't find out. Jasper had his eyes closed. A hair lock of his sliced down in front of his face. He opened his eyes and I was trapped in them. I couldn't move. And not because Edward was holding me in his grip still. I was really paralyzed. Jasper hugged Alice tighter. I felt jealous. He twitched a little. Had my emotions touched him? Or had his emotions touched me?

We were in the lobby at that hotel the rest of the class were in. Alice had a vision, one she thought was actually going to happen, and ran out in the lobby and bumped into Jasper and I. Fortunately, she didn't look at our hands being tied into one hand. Edward believed her vision and almost launched at me from excitement. He kissed me. For once, his lips felt like they were burning scars on my throat. He were kissing the exact same spots as Jasper. Rosalie and Emmett were still in their rooms. Edward told me that sometimes… their romance may ignite again. They shouldn't be disturbed. Edward led me to his room. I didn't even look back at Jasper and Alice as he pulled her outside. The room was big, though there wasn't a big amount of light. He pulled me to his bed, cradling me in his arms. I think he needed to that more than I needed it. So I let him do it. As I sat between his legs with his arms wrapped around me, I sank into the state of half-sleeping. I felt that I was moaning a bit. My mind slowly picked a memory it was determined to replay over and over.

_It was morning. I lay still, enjoying in agony the last moments with Jazz. This would just be another memory he had to suppress. I kissed him. He sighed. "Bella." He didn't continue. I waited. "I want you to…", I heard him change his opinion. "I want to leave the Cullens. I'm going away. I don't know where yet. I'm in love with you." Malice radiated from his body. But behind it I felt regret when he said: "But you're just a mere human. You're not enough. I don't love Alice anymore, and you're not enough. If you were to come with me, you would never be enough. And by time, I will kill you. Eventually. I command you to forget these days. Forget it." He laughed an uncertain laugh. "It's best you just forget about me at all, okay?" I nodded. I could feel something as vomiting as porridge in my throat. It just hung up there. It wouldn't move down or up. It was stuck. My eyes felt warm. "Yeah", I just said, too dumbfound to think of something better to say. We packed everything together and drove the last part to the hotel. I yawned. I hope Jazz - I mean Jasper - didn't notice I had been up all night. Inside I felt like a wreck. I would feel better with being the one to hurt him. Then I could just lay the blame on myself. But he hurt me, and I didn't know how to react, to respond to him anymore. Simple things like "Are you thirsty?" became "Are you ready to forget me?" We sat in silence. I felt miserable. He sighed, took one hand and lay it on mine. My heart sank down in my stomach. I felt myself crumble inside. I held his hand all the way. Even when we got into the lobby. Jasper could recall the place we should be. I felt him twitch inside as he saw Alice. I let go of his hand, hoping she wouldn't notice. _

I moaned. What was I moaning at? Edward? Jasper? I didn't know. "Did you sleep well?" The voice was icy. My body got an adrenalin rush. This wasn't possible. Not at all. "Jasper?" My eyes fluttered up and saw him. I looked around the room, making sure we was alone. "Are we…?" He nodded. I launched at him even without thinking what I was doing. He pushed me away a little rough. By rough I mean I lay in the other end of the bed, almost falling of. "What's wrong?" I could feel his soul being torn apart. If he were human he would cry perhaps. But Jasper was Jasper. He wouldn't even cry venomous tears. It was like he was haunted inside. His feelings reflected on me, and I became a little more urgent than necessary. "Jasper, what's wrong?!" He looked at his big hands. Then he muttered out: "I tried to break up with Alice. I don't think she understood what I meant, or else she was just ignoring me." I should be glad to hear that Alice and Jasper still were together. But I was so bitterly jealous. I would rather have him be alone than with Alice. I'm such a terrible person. I cradled in his arms before I could realize it. Jasper had pulled my hand up to his face. Then I realized in what position I sat in. I was between his legs. He was underneath me, holding my hand at his face and kissing my hand. It was like I couldn't breathe. Okay, so I didn't breathe. But this was wrong. I am engaged to Edward. Edward! After all we've been through to be together, I am just going to have an affair with his brother? I felt sense come back to my head, but not to my body. I had to tell my conscious several times, that I didn't want this. Jasper let his hand up my arm, caressing it. Then, with his left hand, he opened the first button of my blouse. My body was on the tip of ripping my shirt and plunge into this forbidden love. I just wouldn't. I kept yanking my hand away. "Ja-Jasper…" His lips was brushing against my wrists. It ached right where he kissed me. "Jasper." He continued, not even bothering looking at me. "Jasper!" I screamed and slapped him with my free hand. He was so astonished by my sudden move that he released me. I crawled to the other edge of the bed, measuring the distance between us. I tried to get my clothes looking normal. It was a little difficult. Jasper had opened three buttons before I slapped him. The third were ripped of the blouse. I couldn't wear that anymore. "Jasper?" Was he okay? Did I hurt him, even though I couldn't hurt him physically? He sighed. Then he ran a hand through his ruefully, lovely blond hair.

"Bella, Alice and Edward have gone away. Alice said that she would make wedding arrangements with Edward instead of you. It would be faster that way. So she's taking Edward away from you until your wedding day. It was appointed to me that I should take care of you since Emmett and Rosalie is… a bit preoccupied at the moment." I felt horrible. I could barely keep away from Jasper when Edward wasn't around and now I had to spend less than a month with Jasper alone?! Jasper calmed me down from the other side of the bed. "We're going to pick a wedding dress though. Just as long as I send pictures of your wedding gown to Alice so she can decide which you should buy she is satisfied." I looked at him. He looked at me. "But what are we suppose to do afterwards? The school trip ends tomorrow, you know." He smiled. Then bowed his head as his face shaded. "We're going to spend the time in my residence. It's the house we lived in before." He stood up and walked out of the door. I was left with my thoughts.

The house we lived in before? His house?

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**_Review, or let me kill Bella: Push the buuuuutton!!! You knooooow you have to! -Marianne._**


	12. Math

**_Disclaimer: MNO!_**

**_About last chapter's titel randomly I thought of The Hobbit. "There And Back Again, a hobbit's tale by Bilbo Baggins."_**

**_Wow, thank you guys for the reviewing so quickly. Well, I can always use that thread. Lemon Verbena, Edwards feelings we'll get to if you keep reviewing! Oh, and thanks for the congrats on my grades! Bellawish2b, yes it is Jaspers house. *Gasps of excitement*."And then Jasper snapped and killed everyone. The end.":D, Isabelle896, that made me laugh my head off. Well, because of your reviews, I sit here in front of the computer at 04:03 at the night (we don't count p.m or a.m in Denmark) and I've just written this chapter. OMJ (Jasper) I'm exhausted. I'm suppose to wake in less than two hours and get ready to go to school. *Sighs and yawns*_**

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We were back again. Back to his house. His. Jasper. I can't help thinking that the house is his. All the way to the house we didn't spoke. Jasper didn't sleep in the back of the car. Even with a blanket over me, I felt alone and cold. I felt like I was deserted by him. We didn't speak about it. He had told me to figure out things myself. Okay, here's the math I've been doing: Jasper, being a vampire with good sight and memory like no other, got us on the wrong plane - I get blisters on my feet, I don't think he wish that I got them, did he? + he finds a house where no one lives in it, but with food, clothes and everything + he didn't find out there was a garage with a car in it + Alice are getting weird flashes + I'm in love with him = I think Jasper did this. This was a set-up. He probably dazzled the flight attendant on purpose. He had planed this, and used his powers somehow to get Edward to let Jasper follow me to the bathroom. But Jasper couldn't have made nature's force takes it course? Well, he did give me a soda in the car. Does that count? The clothes weren't Alice's. And now I think it through; the clothes I borrowed I thought was almost not used wasn't used at all. I dragged my bag up to the bathroom, filling the shelves with products Alice had left me. Apparently she had too much spare-time to do nothing else but buying products for my human body. A sudden anger filled me. Why did Alice really care about me? I shrugged. Wow, I must be out of my mind since I think of Alice like that. Then I dropped the product in my hand on the floor, walked into the bedroom and jumped into the bed. I tried to get as many pillows I could get over me, playing like a little child. I lay in the bed. The sun wasn't setting yet when he spoke: "Aren't you tired of playing like a child?" Jasper. I didn't bother removing the pillows from my body. I knew what would happen. But why didn't I prevent it? I felt the pillow at my left foot be removed. Then the one on my thighs. Then those around my over body. Then I waited. The last one was the one in my face. It was removed ever so gently. I saw him. What now. "Jasper, I-." Again, why wouldn't he listen? Why did he have to kiss me like this? It ached in my body in a pleasant way. He kissed me. Guess there's no way around it.

I pushed him away gently. Then I sat up in eye height with him. I grabbed the edge of my green shirt and began to pull it off. When I was just about to pull it off, Jaspers hands grabbed my arms, pulling them down. He shrugged and hid his face with one hand as he apparently scolded himself with a growl. "I'm… Sorry… Bella", his words were slow because he apparently had to force himself. Awkwardness filled the room. Jasper pushed it away by speaking: "I'm going to sleep on the couch. Please. Don't… tempt me like that again." He left the room. I lay on the bed, waiting for the twilight. I kept laying in the bed. My stomach began to growl. I didn't care. Well, just until it got utterly embarrassing and I went down into the kitchen. I was surprised to find Jasper in it. "What are you doing?" asking about his presence in the kitchen. He's a vampire. He doesn't have to eat human food to survive. He sighed. "I could hear your growling anywhere I went in the house." I smiled. Ups. It was inevitable. And I couldn't help it. I swear. I just vomited the words out as usual.

"Jasper, why did you do this?" He didn't look at me.

"You needed the chance to get involved with me. I couldn't just say that I had started having feelings for you, and that I didn't want to be with Alice anymore. You had to fall in love with me." Bull's-eye.

"I-I didn't fall in-" he shot a glance at me. "I know what you feel, Bella. You can't hide your feelings behind words. I wasn't exactly… _pleasant_ with you finding the car."

"Then what about the clothes?" I remembered the sexy lingerie. Had he chosen that?

"I've had it in some time now. Human time that is."

"In some time? How long have you…?" I couldn't finish the question. _How long have you loved me?_ His eyes answered me. _Always._ I stood silent as Jasper prepared my meal. Always. But _why_? Why did he let Edward save me and let Edward become my boyfriend?

"I… must say, however, that even though I was in love with you, I was still in love with Alice. I refused it. Suppressed it for as long as I could. But then I realized I didn't love Alice anymore. I don't want her. She knows it, yet she doesn't leave. I think it's best if I leave. I've done everything wrong. Your relationship with Alice and Jasper and your world. You're about to be Edwards wife, and I want to sleep with you." I felt flattered by his words, though hurt.

"Don't you understand that I will leave you if we sleep together?" I nodded. "I don't want to deceive Edward-", he cut me off. "You have already deceived him in your dreams, haven't you? In your thoughts, too." There was a pause. He slid the dish towards me. As usual perfect cooked. "I love nobody. You just assumed that I loved you. Forget me and return to your life when this time has passed. We don't fit together and I always want to eat you. Your blood really _is_ like a drug. You make me feel high when you're around. And when I'm without you I can't stop the shivering, the abstinences." His voice grew darker as he spoke: "And then I'm so alone in a bottomless pit. Falling. Reaching for hands that aren't there. You give some ground to stand on. But else I'm falling." His body trembled I could see. "I want your body, but I can't have it. Do you know how that tortures me?" I nodded. I knew it more than he thought.

"As you've said; we can't be together." The trembling stopped. "I'm going hunting", he said shortly.

It was dark outside. I poked at my food.

The answer in my body made me tremble. _But for just now I want to be with you._

**_You know, I'm gonna kill Bella and Jasper if you don't review. Push the review button, you knooooow you have to! -Marianne._**

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	13. You Don't Mean A Thing To Me

**_Disclaimer: Me No Own._**

**_Annotiation: I know that I'm not that great with English, but for my final exams I got a twelve, or an A+, so I'm not that bad :D And due to this very late posted chapter is because my computer went down and destroyed the chapter 12 and two years of work, so I had to re-write the chapter, now that I got my computer back. Oh, and isabelle896; "I enjoy this story, sorry for not reviewing, I've been a bit busy lately. Please let Bella and Jasper end up together. I can't wait to see what happens next, hopefully you don't kill everyone... though if you do, I demand it be over-the-top and ridiculous. Lots of glitter, feather boas, and blood." Your reviews makes me laugh so hard! Keep reviewing everybody!_**

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Okay, so this is not what I intended. My little plan didn't go well at all. After having spent my time in the kitchen, being left alone by Jasper in his grand house, I snuck up to my, or more like our, room to lay down. He was out hunting again, and here I was, pathetic as always, trying to cry myself to sleep. But I couldn't. Not even _one_ tear would come out. It made me wonder:_ Am I even sad enough to cry?_ No. Probably not.

I lay on the bedspread as I curled up into a ball. The window was open, so it let in a soft, little breeze, caressing my body. The wind grew a little and I closed my eyelids. The wind grew even stronger and I felt now that it was very cold. I don't know how long I lay here. Probably very long, 'cause now Jasper was back. He coughed a gentle, polite cough, as if to get my attention. Then he spoke: "Don't you think it would be better if you stay warm." I didn't care to open my eyes. I felt my stomach surge as my body adjusted to the weight of a new body on the bed. I heard him moan.

"Bella, please… get dressed or something", he exclaimed. Oh. I thought of the clothes I am wearing. Jeans with a low cut and a T-shirt, which right now revealed a little to much of my bust. I could feel it because of the wind caressing the uncovered skin, sending chills down my spine at the thought of Jasper touching me there. A plan took place in my head. I opened my eyes and saw him looking away, out of the window.

"If you want me to get more dressed, you can do it. 'Cause I don't care." He spun around to look at me, and I regretted saying those words. His eyes were golden brown, but still very dark. I blushed now, because of the words that I had said and because that I had actually _said _them.

"Get dressed. Now!" he snarled at me. But then I felt something. Something new. An anger. Burning through me, making me tremble. Why did he have to decide for me? Why should he be the one to order me to do something? My trembling continued and I answered again without thinking.

"N-no." He turned to look at me. "No. I… I won't!"

"Bella…" he snarled.

"Jasper, why won't you get me dressed? Look, I've got goose bumps, it's that cold!" I pointed at my arm, trying to make it more clear that I felt cold. Little bumps were showing, clearly not enough for him to cover me up.

"Bella, you don't _know_ how easy it is for me to kill you. Not to mention, that I don't love you… I love… Alice." Ouch. That hurt. I sat up, looking him in the eyes, trying to trace lies.

"Jasper, I know you feel something…something that you don't feel for Alice", my voice cracked. "You know it's true the way I feel. I lov-."

"Don't. _Love_ me." He empathized the words. My mouth hang a bit open, I think. I gasped slowly. Heaving every breath on a way that sounded unhealthy. "Don't love me", he repeated. "I'll only end up hurting you." I couldn't help my voice getting a little too high and sounded like it was on the brink of hysterical.

"Haven't you already hurt me?"

"Well…", he had to think about that one. " It's not like I have a choice or something. I can't stop hurting you as long as you feel something for me. I know your feelings, and let me say that they're not mutual on my behalf." An inner picture jolted through my head: Jasper, slipping away, even though I was holding his hand. I don't know where this knowledge came from, but I knew he was leaving me. Not because he _had_ to, but because he _wanted_ to. And _that _stung. So is this what Jasper's doing? Sort of breaking up with me? Leaving me? He continued.

"Bella, we… I don't have feelings for you anymore. I found that out in Spain. You're beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me." He paused and added and in a more sweet voice: "You belong with Edward. Sorry."

"Are you sure I do that?" I had jumped of the bed and had begun to stride along the room to finally find a spot to lean on at the open window, that was actually more like a door. "Please, Jasper. Please, don't… don't say you're sorry, 'cause you're not. I bet you can have all the girls in the world you want if Alice couldn't see the future. Even if I were the one person in the world who wanted you like I do and is beautiful, that person wouldn't mean a thing right? Then how about Alice? Isn't she the most beautiful person in your world? If she is, then she doesn't mean a thing, right?" I shook my head, this is ridiculous.

"Now you're just being unfair. I'll admit I have had certain… feelings for you lately, but taking you here in the first place was probably the biggest mistake of my life. Forget what I said about you giving me ground to stand on. You _are_ the bottomless pit. You consume me and draws me into darkness where I even question my own feelings for Alice. I'm sorry, but I can't have the feelings for you that you want me to have for you. I guess, I'm just simply not in love with you." Okay, who had punched me in my stomach? Because next thing I know, I'm lying on the floor, rolling into a tight ball, shivering. The words _he doesn't love me_ kept on playing in my head and body. Had I changed places with Jasper? 'Cause I feel that I'm falling in a bottomless pit and there's no one to catch me. And I think Jasper might even have pushed me over the edge. Tears are beginning to soak through my T-shirt, that I have used to cover myself, now that my plan isn't working. He growled. But then, strangely, he approaches me.

"Bella. Don't cry. I know you and Edward might feel the same as you once did, but you can still be together", he said in a concerning way, trying to make me calm down. But he didn't use his powers. "You can probably figure this out someh-". I don't know how, but he touched my shoulder. His ice-cold hand on my shoulder. I feel disgusted by it. And then it came. I didn't even notice it was me in the beginning.

I screamed.

I screamed from the top of my lungs, not even knowing where I got the strength to do it.

"Get out! Don't touch me! Get out!"

I yelled _get out_ one last time. Weird, the _get_ was really a scream of depression and hurt, but my _out_ faded out in deep sobs. I felt the air move around. He was gone.

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**_Review, or I'm going to kill Jasper and Bella, which involves lots of blood, feather boas and glitter! Revieeeeeeeew! You know you have to! Push the buuuuuuuuuuutton! -Marianne._**


	14. Plans

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except. All rights goes to Stephanie Meyer and Robert L. Frost.**_

_**Annotiations: Hello again. I'm really, really, really upset about not having any reviews. Almost got none at my last one. I can see that you add me to your story alert, but none of the reviews are being send here, guys! I don't know why I keep on writing this. Well suit it yourself. Reviews makes me come with more, but after almost none, I've waited a few days before releasing it. I'm not going to make an official poll, but leave a review if you would like for Jasper and Bella to have a lemon (sexscene). Please review.**_

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Jasper

_Bella, we… I don't have feelings for you anymore. I found that out in Spain. You're beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me. You belong with Edward. Sorry. _Why? Why did I have to say all those hurtful things? Alice. Edward. Yeah, those are the reasons. Why should Bella be with me? She deserves to be safe with Edward. He can endure the blood lust much better than me. I… I almost kill her just by looking at her. When I'm mad and looks at her, I see it. She crumbles because of it. She sees the animal that hovers inside me. I try to hide it. But it's so hard not to let it go. And then we have the lust for her body. Even though she may not really care what she looks like or what she's wearing, she's still…intoxicating. The beauty in her movements, her pale skin, brown eyes like walnuts and dark chocolate brown hair… I don't think she knows what she means to me. How she has turned my world upside down. Because of her I want even more to kill humans but also try to restrain myself. Before, I felt so alone. Even for a vampire the time was… _long_. Not counting time in weeks, but more like in moments. Breathing in, feeling the air in my dead body, and then feel it slip out again. Like sort of your last breath. But I want to be _alive._ But I'm dead. Stone-dead. No matter how much I try to breath in the air, trying to fill my lungs with life, I feel indifferent. Alice never quite understood, and in time I stopped to talk her about how I felt about all this with time. She did not even understand how it's so hard for me to resist Bella's blood. The craving, the hunger… The lump in my throat when she's around, the air around her smells invite able with her blood. I know she's not my singer, but I still want to have her blood more than anything. Well, perhaps with exception for her body. But that doesn't change anything. I still got this animal inside me. It whispers things. Or more like it sings _blood, blood, gallons of the stuff, I gave you all that you can drink and it has never been enough. _Sometimes it's like it's in my head, and sometimes like it's just beneath my skin. And there is the side effects of the animal. Poisonous venom in my throat with the aching and the dryness. It's like a human having an adrenalin rush; you're _so_ aware of where everything is, you can't sit still, and when you're around a humans you almost attack them. And they're scared. They see that there's something wrong with me. Perhaps it's the way that I stand way too close and the way I bare my teeth. The way I breath at their skin. I almost kill them. They know that there's something wrong, just not that their life's in danger.

And one of the most scary things is, that even though I hunt so much at the time with Bella around me, I can't stop the visions. I always see it. When she sleeps and I lay down beside her, I see it. Blood - pulsing out of her neck. And she's not alive. I know I've killed her. Because when I look at my hands, they're covered in blood. I can't wash it away. I feel _tainted_ all the time. When I look at _her_ or when I look at me. It's always there. And when she sleeps securely in her dreams, but at the edge of her life in the real world, I cradle up in a ball in the bed with my hands against my chest. As if I want to protect them. Even though that I know that they're deadly weapons, I still hold them close. And always when that happens, my breathing starts to become more uneven and my throat seems to tie up in a knot. Vampires can't sleep, but when I close my eyes and let my mind wander for a while, it's like dreaming or having a nightmare. I "dream" even there in this trance state that I kill her without remorse, but as the pure animal I am. It's like I'm going insane and I'm in a world that I can't escape, can't forget. _Won't_ forget because of _her. _And then there's the craving for her body all the while there's blood on my hands. I understand why Edward loves to watch her sleep, but perhaps not as I enjoy it. I enjoy it mostly because I can look at her body all the time. The contours, her skin. Memorizing everything about her. Even her, without the blood, smell I memorize, strawberries. Not the usual plastic fabricated smell with lots and lots of sugar. But strawberries from the fields that have laid in the sun. I can always smell it just before she walks into the room I'm in. But even the sight of her drives me insane, knowing about the future. I know we can't be together. And to add more to my bunch of misery, I have to help picking a bride gown and spend a little less than a month with her here in my house. But how can I endure this when I can't even look her in the eyes. Not after I hurt her the way I just did. I told her I didn't want her. What a lie. Truth be told, I want her more than anything. And that's why I had to say those things. That I didn't want her. Oh what vile lies.

I moved from the window where I had sat and paced over to a bookshelf and took out my old "You Come Too" from 1916 by Robert Lee Frost. I cracked up the book. Must've been almost twenty years since I opened it last. I turned a few pages with a little smile on my face, remembering the times I had recited these poems for Alice in one of our other houses. Then I found my favorite part and strode over to the window again, letting the open window blow cold wind on my dead body. The poem is called _Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening_.

_Whose woods these I think I know. _

_His house is in the village, though;_

_He will not see me stopping here_

_To watch his woods fill up with snow._

_My little horse must think it queer_

_To stop without a farmhouse near_

_Between the woods and frozen lake_

_The darkest evening of the year._

_He gives his harness bells a shake_

_To ask if there is some mistake._

_The only other sound's the sweep_

_Of easy wind and downy flake._

_The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,_

_But I have promises to keep_

_And miles to go before I sleep, _

_And miles to go before I sleep._

The words made me feel more calm. But the last part stuck with me.

_The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,_

_But I have promises to keep_

_And miles to go before I sleep, _

_And miles to go before I sleep._

And I couldn't help but comparing it with my own life. Bella is the first sentence. Then the second sentence is when I promised Edward to take care of Bella. Then the two last lines… well, they were my future. Sleep. My final sleep. The sleep of death, even though there's a long way yet. I'll have to endure looking at Bella and Edward together. But I don't think I can. I'm too bitter with jealousy.

I… need to get away. Yeah. That's the key. But that doesn't mean that I can make memories before I go.

_Bella_

I hadn't seen him for a long time. Well, it _is_ my own fault. I shouldn't have yelled at him. But he… he throw me _away._ Like I was a piece of toy that wasn't interesting playing with any longer. Like he said, _you don't mean a thing to me. _And again I think; he doesn't want me, he doesn't want me… But it's like I haven't grasped that fact yet. Grasped, that I will never get him. That he wouldn't belong to me, and I to him. That we - no, I - am going to spend my life without love. Edward loves me. I think. But do I love Edward the way he loves me? And then a yearning for his voice jolted through me. I need to hear Edwards voice. But then again, if I do hear his voice, I might end up confessing the feelings I have for Jazz. Having to word-vomit again. I hate doing that. What could else happen if I called him? Burst into tears? Hang up the phone? I just couldn't make myself talk to him in the phone. But… if I can't even talk to him in the phone, then how am I going to let him look into my eyes and hold him in my arms again? But the thing is, I don't want to hold Edward in my arms any longer. I always picture it to be me and Jazz.

I need Jazz like I need to breath.

I turned around in the bed, laying with my face in the pillows. Not just on them, but I actually buried my face in them. My stomach growled loudly and I let my hand lay on it, trying somewhat stupid enough to press the sound in again. But it didn't work. But I wouldn't go downstairs. I want him to come up to our room with a plate of lovely food and a hug. Even though he hates me. By the thought of that, my throat tightened and tears were at a brim. Since when had I become so selfish? It seems like I want it all. I want Jacob to my friend, even though I somehow don't want us to be "just friends". I want Edward to stay with me and be my husband. And I want Jasper - I can't help but wince inside at his name - to be mine forever. Body and soul. I think I can do without Jacob, but what about Edward? I can't just throw him away. He always loved me. But the tables has turned and I now have feelings. I don't know what to do with Edward, because I'm blinded by the feelings for Jazz. My Jazz. It aches at the insides of me at the thought that he could never be mine. Why didn't Edward hear Jaspers thoughts? Why did I have to go through all this misery? But then again, I don't know if I would like to cut off these feelings to Jasper. I love him. There's no avoiding it. Yet I can't do anything but run away. I wish that there were just a way that I could sacrifice myself for everybody so that they wouldn't get hurt. Wow, I most be really bothersome, huh? An annoyance. I stepped dizzily down the stairs, feeling something like thunder strike through my head. Great, now I have a headache. I paced over to the kitchen counter and picked a glass, which I poured water in. That should help. And then a sound. Something soft hitting the floor, almost whispering.

I turned to see Jazz. I lost my breath and measured the distance between us, not hearing his first words. Clearly something I was meant to respond to, because when I just look at his gorgeous features and marble skin, I somehow forget to breathe, listen, hear...

"Bella… How about we go shop for a dress today?" I looked at his mouth, forming every word. It made me want to touch my own mouth and his mouth, just to feel how it felt. And then it stroke me later on, that I had forgotten how his lips felt.

I answered with a bit sheepish: "Yeah", and looked down at my feet while he prepared me some dinner. Well, this was probably as close as I can get with the whole idea of getting him to serve dinner and give me a hug.

For now.

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_Then he dazzled me with some magic glitter from a box and ran around me in human pace with a feather boa, green and purple, singing: "Somewhere over the rainbow..." He looked like a ballerina and very, very gay with his eyes all open and wide. And the wayhis hands were like when he sang, they were very loose. Then he kissed me on my cheek with his lips, which were coated in a very scarlet color of a lipstick. _

_"Jasper, wtf?!"_

_Then he drew out a knife from his filthy underwear and stabbed me in my heart after snitting me a few long scars. I fell down and BOOM I was dead. _

**_Well, this almost happened because you didn't review. Review, or I will take actions of my threat! - Marianne._**

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	15. Secret Wedding Gown And An Opiphany

**Disclaimer: You know the bunch.**

**Annotiations: Okay, I guess last time was a bit over the top. I'm sorry for my behaviour. It's just that I really want to know what the lot of you thinks. So, I will try to update weekly now - but that doesn't mean that I don't want your reviews. I think that Wednesday is a good day. I will be writing them ahead, but not publish them before Wednesday. **

**Oh, and I haven't taken French courses or something, but I've been trying to learn some words, so this is just something I looked up in Google Translate. If You're French, please notify me about mistakes then. The last part of this chappie is SUCH a cliffhanger, so I would like for you guys to post a reply - yes, a review - to me of your thoughts. I mean the last part of Bella's thoughts are SO important to the whole plot. Things are about to change for good, when Bella finds out Jaspers yet biggest secrects of all time. It's getting more and more interesting.**

**I've updated my channel, so you can go and see all the lollylicious pictures including the currently official poster for Black Comet and my coming fics, which I will post in the nearest future. GO! GO, GO, GO, GO!**

**And this chapter goes to the only ones who reviewed last chapter: (I will name you in next chapter if you review, you got until Wednesday) _DefendingSilence_; _LoveForever14_; _twiroselight_ and _Ladybug75_! This goes to you guys, you maked my heart all warm by your reviews.**

**Playlist: Bedshaped ~ Keane; Secret, Forbidden Act ~ Vampire Knight OST season 1; Outside ~ Staind; I Dare You ~ ShineDown; Angels on the Moon ~ Thriving Ivory; Saving Peyton ~ John Norstrom, One Three Hill OST; My Own Prison ~ Creed; Today ~ L'aura. (Does anybody even listen to this? :S)**

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I got into the car, the old Jaguar XK 120. I slammed the door shut and waited for Jasper, who at human pace got into his side of the car. He wanted to drive. I didn't argue with him over that. I looked at my knees. Today I wore simple jeans and a big sweater. It was brown and so big, that I could actually hide in it. That was good. I wanted very much to hide right now. I measured the inches apart. I stole a glance at Jasper. I must admit he looked very handsome and attractive in a shirt and torn jeans. I can't believe he actually brought up the subject wedding gown since he knows I would in an instant associate it with Edward. I tried as much as I could not to get in contact with his body. I know I will break into pieces if I touch it. I know I will start to tremble. And even though it sounds very melodramatic, I would die. I can't stand the touch of him. Yet it's the one thing I want. I stole a glance at him and thought to myself how he must feel. Probably confused by all my emotions. I'm really trying to keep them away. I am. But when he's around, I'm just about to burst into tears without reason. Knowing he just don't give a damn. He doesn't care.

We drove with the D6 line all the way to Sainte-Hélène. The wind blew in my hair and I leaned over the window to just see more, to know that I'm alive. All that reached my eyes were fields and fields of grapes, red and green. The sun was scorching lightly at my skin. I closed my eyes and breathed in the warm air. The wind were cooling my face. Wait. Wait! What about…? I spun my head around to see him, sparkling in the sun, eyes straight forward.

"Jasper… what about you?" I didn't dare to raise my voice, even though I wanted to because I was worried. I sat back in the seat. He laughed, and I must admit I was startled by the act. I looked at him, while he sometimes would look at me.

"Don't worry, Bella." He looked at me. Then he snaked his right arm around my shoulders while we drove. Okay, Bella, control yourself. It's not like he means anything about it. My mood fell. And I found myself again looking at my knees, suddenly very self-aware. It was hard, and I had to focus on not letting my emotions get the best of me. Sometimes I would slip, and I would notice the changes in his body. Either very stiff all of a sudden and then very occasionally more like he leaned against me. We didn't speak at all. But the atmosphere wasn't uncomfortable. Not because Jasper wanted it to be that way. He would rarely control my emotions. I breathed almost in gasps because he was so close to my body, and then the breathing-gasps would turn to gasp-sobs. I was almost crying again, because he did it. It made me upset. And even though I was trying to hide it, he noticed. He hugged me tighter and didn't bother hushing me. I cradled at his shoulder, sobbing deeply, making his shirt wet. It was like I couldn't stop, it only got worse. And when we were almost at the town, I was still cradling, not wanting to let go. We parked outside the city. I got out and Jasper got out too. The warmth from the sun radiated on the black car. I looked around, trying to see if anyone was around. Surely, somebody _had_ already seen him because of the way he sparkled in the sun. He dived down in the car with his hands and pulled out an umbrella and a hat. He smirked. I couldn't help but smile back, knowing that my smile perhaps would seem a little false and that it would falter because I was breaking inside.

Wow, that must have been a really beautiful sight to him, me with my eyes all swollen and red from crying, looking pale in the sun light and with the bags under my eyes because I hadn't slept. Well….it was actually _his _fault that there were bags under my eyes. If he hadn't said he didn't want me, I wouldn't have to stay up all the time. I mean I couldn't even sleep. It's so hard to see him standing right here in front of me and knowing that he will never be mine. I tried to smile again and went to glove trunk and pulled out a pair of his sunglasses which I found on our first trip in his car. He seemed to beam. He then got a bag, which I hadn't noticed he was bringing and hanged up in it. It felt strange walking beside him, not holding his hand. I couldn't help but fidget. A lot. I know he noticed. How couldn't he?

We went to something Jessica would have called a "pretty boutique". It was in a way really sickening. It was all fluffy and everything was scented in such a heavy perfume of roses that smelled like they had withered for a while in water. Cascades of flowers decorating everything, almost every surface there were. In the windows of the store there were mannequins in dresses. There were some stands with dresses apparently sectioned after color. Everything was else white and shiny. A woman stood behind an old desk looking at some papers. Then, very abruptly, her head snapped up and she flashed a very bright, white smile. She stalked over to us with apparently lots and lots of confidence in herself.

"Bonjour. Comment mai je vous aider?" she asks. I looked at Jasper. Woops. Just how were we suppose to buy a dress, when the woman we apparently is suppose to buy the dress from is French and neither of us speaks French?

"Uhm… Parlez vous… Anglais?" He asks a little hesitant. Oh. He knew _a little _French then. The woman nods.

"Welcome", she says with thick French accent. "How may I help you?"

Jasper flashes a sly grin, not very far from the one she flashes. But then his features becomes grim. He gives her the elevator look, and then suddenly he looks disgusted. And, I think it's only because I stand so close to him, I can hear him growl very low. There's nothing wrong with her in her appearance. She's naturally tanned brown, but not so much it looks like make up or so that she looks like a Barbie doll. She has high cheekbones, a little button for a nose, long, red, curly hair, lips slightly pink, small though, and all in all seems very small in body type. I look at him, afraid. I pull at his sleeve. If he suddenly got hungry, we should go. And now I can't help but flush as a vision barge in on my mind of us going behind the shop and then I offer him my neck, and he wraps his arms around me rapidly, not able to deny his body's need, kiss me along my neck before he sinks in his fangs…

I batter with my eyelashes. No. This is exactly the wrong kind of thinking. Damn hormones! The woman goes through one dress after another, and my head starts slowly to spin. I gets more and more dizzy. I am so tired now that I'm swaying, looking at the floor as I get closer to it each time I sway a little bit to much. I close my eyes and sway some more, my knees about to give in. Then I find something to support on and I sigh. Wait. Wait, wait, wait! No, no, no, no, no! This can _not_ be happening. I open my eyes so wide it hurts and looks into a pair of golden eyes. I look at them for a while, not wanting to move away from his body. And too abruptly I do. I look at the woman, hoping she won't get offended by my lack of interest. She looks at me saying-ly, and I could swear that she's smirking. What's with that? Jasper sends me waves of cheerfulness, happiness, strength and warmth. All in all, it makes me wake up and feel more fresh. I had no clue that Jaspers ability could work this way. I flash him a gentle, small smile. Though, in spite of the feelings Jasper send towards me, I can't really fight the irritation of the woman's smirk.

She goes and finds this bunch of dresses, laying them over her arm while talking still with strong French accent to Jasper. He laughs, but I can feel that he's angry. Then she pushes me in a direction of something there's suppose to be a dressing room. Jaspers stalks slowly behind me and sits on a chair of tree while he rummages through his rucksack. He then removes his sunglasses, looking dazzling to me. The woman yanks my hand in the dressing room, closing the white curtains. They looked very thin in fabric. Very thin indeed. I wonder if Ja- if _he_ can see through the curtains. But I'm being abruptly pulled out of my thoughts when the lady starts to pull up my sweater. I try to manage not to cringe at her actions, which had startled me. She pulls of my big brown sweater and starts casually to undress me. And can't help but fidget. A lot. And Jasper doesn't send me waves of calm like I would like him to do. Instead I feel a vibration of smugness, joy…and… hidden lust. It's not much of it, but I can feel his lust, very well hidden indeed.

The dress she present to me is wide and looks a bit like a cotton candy. And it's pink. It has bog bows and a layer of white, thin silk draped over the skirt. When I'm done being dressed (she even came with some shoes for me, which were red and had something supposedly a rose with glitter on and very high heels) she pushes me out of the dressing room, leaving me no time to even look at the dress. I look up at Jasper through my eyelashes, and if even possible, I fidget even more. He takes a picture of me with his mobile, that he got in Spain. He text messages, and within a minute, a respond has been send. He opens his mobile and looks.

"No", he says. The woman's eyes beside me widens a little, like was an insult to her. The woman pulls me in, almost rips the dress of, stuff me in another and pushes me out of the dressing room, where after I see Jasper walk around the room, seeming a bit dazed. He takes a new picture of me. And, dangerously enough, I blush. I look down at myself. No wonder I blush: this dress is way too short, it barely covers my behind and the neck cut is way too low. He texts then, and sooner than before a message is received.

"No." The woman gets infuriated. She drags me behind in the dressing room again and really rips this time my dress of. I can seriously hear the ripping sound of fabric coming undone. Her hair starts to point in different directions, and her clothes doesn't seem to be that comfortable to wear. Then she finds something so long and with long sleeves it's like a cloak. She removes the red shoes, which one of the roses were gone, and puts on something very similar to work out shoes. She then pushes me a bit roughly through curtain, making me almost trip at the hem of the "dress" and pull the curtain down. I stumble a bit, clumsy as always, and then try to stand up straight. Amazing that I didn't fall. This time his back was turned on us. Then he turned around, arms full of something.

"Do you sell this?" he asks. The woman, suddenly got a grip on herself and with red spots on her cheeks she answers with a yes. All I could really see was some fabric in his hand looking like silver, old silver or some sort of metal.

"I would like to buy this dress, thank you." The woman stalks quietly over to him, grabs the dress, gives him one intense glare before strutting over to her desk. I turn to Jasper.

"Jasper, I haven't even worn it."

"That won't be necessary", he comments.

The woman comes back with a box in again something white with soft rose color, but not with the stench of old roses, though. I thankful to the non-smelly bag reach out for it, but Jasper is way quicker than me (well, he is a _vampire_, remember?) and snatches the box. I stand at the door, silently sulking. The whole wedding thing isn't really me, but I would at least like to see that after all I've been through what I'm going to wear. Why was it such a secret? Jeeeez.

We got out of the shop, which, I must add, was probably wisely since, in spite of her fake plastered smile, the woman looked very angry. We got outside, me in my big sweater and jeans, Jasper in his shirt, a grey one, and his worn down jeans with sunglasses and the umbrella in his hand. I slammed the door a little harder than necessary. Jasper jumped in too. Very easy for him. He didn't have to walk all the way from the city to the car as a human. Well, it's not like he can transform himself into a human. Or that he has some other powers beyond those he already-

I whipped my head around to face the latter's face. He smirked at me, put the car in gear and started driving.

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*****MAJOR POLL!!!*****

**Do you think that I should include a lemon, aka a sex scene in Black Comet? Please post a reply! **

**"Or that he has some other powers beyond those he already-" That's the line I want you to think about, in case you wondered what it would be, and that I didn't make it clear enough. :D Woah! Please post a reply with your thoughts of this. _-Marianne._ **


	16. Suspicion And Manipulation

_**Disclaimer: You know the drill...yag, yag, yag....**_

_**Annotiation: I'm sorry for the late update, but I've been so busy getting ready for bording school. And then I had Writer's Block. AND I only got THREE reviews. And here's to those who actually wrote me reviews: LoveForever14; Merina Green and PurpleOrchid85 for always reviewing! And PurpleOrchid85, your review almost made me cry and especially made my entire day!**_

_**I will try to update as soon as possible next Wednesday, but I'm not sure since it's the first week at boarding school, and there are so many things I need to get under control. **_

_**Playlist: Like A Knife ~ Secondhand Serenade; Understood By Your Dad ~ Brad Sucks; The Little Things ~ Danny Elfman; Something I Can Never Have ~ Nine Inch Nails. **_

_**Major poll at the end.**_

**Oh, and just so you know, even though I write about Bella's daydreaming, it isn't happening. Just so you won't get confused!**

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Bella

When we got back to the house, I were still quiet, thoughts rummaging through my mind. Everything in my world seems to collide. It reminds me of the time where I tried to figure out what Edwards is. Edward. I can't help but sigh at his name, remembering the problems. When I used to think of him, my heart would flutter, I would blush and fidget. Now, I can only give a little sad smile. Like it's an old, good memory. But it is lost, the spark between us. When I think of him I feel strangely empty inside, not caring really… like my love for him is insignificant. Now I lay on the huge bed in our - I mean my - bedroom looking at the ceiling. And I can't help but feeling bored. And that's when I close my eyes on let my mind wander. When we had come home, Jasper had called Alice. And, even though I really don't want to admit it, I felt smug because they were fighting. But I also felt ashamed of myself. I could hear his voice, filled with hurt, choking on words. Apparently, they were fighting over the dress, and Alice said something that made Jasper so infuriated at Alice, that he smacked the cell phone shut so hard it almost splintered in pieces. He had gazed at me, eyes narrowed, before going on hunt. He disappeared quickly, leaving behind the scent of him. I closed my eyes and let myself enjoy the scent. To me, my body said it was a pleasant scent, but to my mind, it was bittersweet. Bittersweet, also because my body enjoyed it, but also because it was the scent of _him_ mixed with the feeling of him and that he have to leave me. We will never be together. So I went upstairs, and here I am, again, letting my mind wander. And I must say I have a lot of things to think about. Well, not really things, just one thing. One question. But I'm afraid to ask. What if we'll fight again? I'm so afraid of that, I like the frail relationship we have now, even though it's not a really relationship. Still, I don't want to lose it. The wide windows there goes from loft to floor is open as always, letting the cold breeze caress my skin. I remember the last time I lay here like this. It resulted in our big fight. I can't help but cringe at the memory. I don't know if he knew how much he had hurt me. It was like when a million years ago Edward had left me. I was so depressed. And I didn't know what to do. Jacob had been there to fill the whole of Edward, but what about Jasper? I'm going to marry Edward, but that won't fill the hole, the aching. And the thought about having to live with Jasper, but not being able to touch him tears me apart, it devours me. Not being able to wrap my arms around him, feeling his cold skin against mine, his fingers trace my arms, his soft lips on mine, always so gentle because he's afraid to break me. The feeling of his silky, blonde hair in my clutched hands. His humor, his waves of calm, his voice growling at me and laughing with me, his scent lingering around… All the fragments, pieces of our life together, taken away and hidden for the ones we love or used to love. I am afraid of losing these little shards of him, happy, hurting, angry, loving memories. They're so small, but they mean _everything_ to me. I know I never saw him as a lover before, but haven't my whole world changed, too? I guess, life's just sick. It's so weird. Probably according to Jasper, my life on Earth is so short, that to him, I'm just a child. I know that he can feel my feelings, and that no child ever feels _that_ craving, and _that _lust. No, I am not a child. I'm a sinner. Isn't it perhaps a sin to want Jasper, even though I'm engaged and soon-to-be Edwards wife? That's why I have to hide behind an empty face and pretend to love Edward. I _have_ to this. But it's (and I can't help even in my head but choke at the words) killing me. I don't think I can go through this. My breathing becomes more uneven as I think this.

Oh, I feel so lonely.

I let my eyes flutter as a little tear, unnoticed before, goes over the border I've subconsciously have been trying to maintain. It's really embarrassing, it's like I've lost a battle to myself. It's weak, and I hate myself for it, even though it's so silly. I roll around on my side, face facing the forest. I wonder what he's doing right now. I know he's out hunting. But what I want to know is, what he's doing right _now_, in this moment. Has he stopped to look around for animal tracks? Is he sitting down, admiring the forest? Is he… feeding? Does he sink his fangs into the animal right now? Does it hurt it? Is it withering in agony, feeling the blood run being drained, life slipping out of the body? Is it holding it's breath, not moving at all? Is it trying hard to get out of his grasp, is it wriggling, fighting for life? I can't help but imagine his hands around my neck, fangs sinking slowly into my neck as he wraps arms around me. And then how he would let his cold, stone like fingers trail my skin, how my breath would be uneven with excitement. Gasping even more uneven as I would feel the swirls of arouse trembling inside of me, making me moan. It's not like I would say such sounds, but in this daydream, it's like I'm not me. I think I look so much more beautiful, even though I'm not beautiful. My brown-red hair had become even more longer, my eyes so dark brown they were almost black, my skin white like milk and as soft, my cheekbones high and all my other good features were shown. Even my body type was different. I was slender, but with some more strength, and curves even Rosalie would have envied. And this with the new body in my daydream startled me, because even though I think I'm not beautiful, this made for once make feel beautiful.

In my daydream I ripped of Jaspers shirt, my lips on his, legs wrapped around his waist. As my eyes searched his body, I gasped in horror, letting my fingers trail scars of bites all over Jaspers body.

"Jasper…" my sore throat squeaks, and I can feel that I gulp and some kind of scorching in my eyes. He puts a cold finger on my beautiful, dark pink lips, hushing me. I hug him tightly, smelling the comforting and arousing scent of him. It was there before, then it was gone, but now it's here. The lust. It starts quickly to creep up inside me. I push myself away from him and looks up at him, looking so deeply in his eyes as if trying to read his mind. He looks back at me, contemplating, and I see the same glow in his eyes from the lust. And before it tears both apart and we both rip of each others clothes, I fall asleep, after lying so still for so long, daydreaming.

_Jasper_

I wiped of the blood that was smeared over my bottom lip, making it sit on my shirt. Great. I ran quickly back to the house, not wanting to let a minute pass without her. When I got to the house I could feel that she was tired. Very tired indeed, because her feelings rubbed of on me. I let a hand run through my hair, feeling more and more tired.

_Oh, I feel so lonely. _Did I hear right? Her thoughts kept rambling around the animal she thought that I would kill and how I would do it. Her thoughts circled around me, so I sneaked some more in to those thoughts. Making her daydream.

Think of me, I said in my head to her.

I pictured her how I saw her and how I felt and tried to…well… _send _if that's what you call it. I don't know exactly how it works, but I know it works. And I must say, that she fell for it, so it's good either way. Hmm, giving her an arousing dream was a good idea. It lead her away from the truth. How terrifying if she found out. It would ruin the world I had build.

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**_***MAJOR POLL!!!***(Reposted)_**

**_Do you think that I should include a lemon, aka a sex scene in Black Comet? Please post a reply!_**

**_Reviews gets the writing going, so write a review and yo umay just get a chapter before I go to boarding school this Sunday. And BELIEVE me when I write that it's gonna be good! :D - Marianne._**


	17. Memory

_**I'm so soooooooorry I haven't updated! My bording school gave me my computer back just now! And I wrote chap 16 the day before I went to bording school, but apparently had some problems. I will try to update asap! Sorry! And thanks to Andreas for letting me borrow his computer (technical issues). **_

_**I will mention my reviewers in the next chappie. Sorry again.**_

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_Jasper_

I had to keep on sending the images of her and me to her. She was trying to wake up all the time. A bit annoying. But it's not like it was hard to send her these fantasies, because I'm having them all the time. Always. I can't get it out of my head. Just like the visions of blood on my hands. Having imagined all the scenarios with me killing Bella so many times it's almost real to me. I always gets surprised when she walks into the room, alive. She didn't know before, but I always looked down when she was around, tried not to look at her, because that when I would look at her, I would have this feeling inside. Feelings that would change the world I lived in, and that I was the person to change it. I don't think she knew how hard it was for me to hold back, not killing her. My inner demons were always almost taking over my body. They did, though, once. I was so close to kill her. I blamed myself all the time. And it seemed like I never got rid of this self-hatred that I have. Edward had pushed her and all I saw was her, I didn't even in the start notice Edwards body, which I had slammed hard against. But having pushed her, she was covered in glass splinters, reflecting in the shards all the colors, framing her features. I hated my self so much. It made Edward leave her, and of course I had to follow with my family. I was not ready yet to change the world. But then it started, the world spinning faster and faster.

I bought this house for no reason, when Alice and I were on a trip to France. She didn't know, of course. I wouldn't share it with her even then. Her eyes was so empty when she looked at me, no spark. The spark was gone. That was when I really started to question our relationship. Why was I even with her. When I first met her, I loved her. But I think I loved her more like a brother because I had finally found someone who was like me. Or rather, I thought she was like me. When she made love to me the first time, I knew that her feelings weren't like mine. I stayed with her out of loyalty, not love. She didn't know of course. I could easily manipulate her to think that I loved her more than anything. She said that we were going to be with a family called the Cullens. I just didn't care. That time, my eyes were filled with the mists of insignificants. I couldn't care less.

_Then one, day as we were hunting, something fatal happened in the year of 1987. Alice and I were out hunting an animal, when she suddenly paused in the middle of it all, her eyes blank. I looked inside her head, unwillingly, we connected. _

_**I saw a woman giving birth to a baby girl. When the nurse slid the baby into the woman's arms, the woman looked at her approximately husband, shining with happiness. He beamed back at her. Her eyes were red, hair messy when she moved a little lock of hair from the baby's face. With a voice that sounded like it was going to crack, sore of emotions.**_

"_**Isabella."**_

_Alice fluttered with her eyelashes. From what I could tell, that just happened, right now. I could feel that time that I heaved for breath. I was out of Alice's head, but she was still having flashes, glints of the future. Then I was once again pulled into her flashes. I was like everything was swirling around, and I felt nauseas from the pit of my stomach. _

_**I saw myself standing, looking concentrated at a girl as she smiled around to the people around her, opening a present. I remembered how I felt. My feelings so sore to her, and I wonder if she didn't even feel all the love that was bleeding from me and then the emotions as I knew she was going to get cut. That I was going to try to kill her. As I saw her open her present, I felt that something was wrong. It all happened in slow motion to me. She cut her finger on the paper. She uttered a word, I didn't hear, only hearing the pulse of her blood's beat. I could feel my body going on a high, as my muscles tensed Fight it, fight it! my inner said. I was trying so hard to change the future, but the words seemed so weak. I launched at her, but it was like she was pulled back by air. I slammed into a body. My guts were hurt, but I didn't care. I needed her. Needed her blood, needed her body. If it was just me and Bella in the room, I would've had sex with her, then killed her. And then sobbed over the crime I had done and the love that I had lost, and kept on seeing the blood on my hands. But we weren't alone, and Edward was there to hold me away from her. And later in more than one way. **_

_I got our of her head. My face must have been bewildered, 'cause that's what I felt like inside. Who was that girl? Why was I trying to kill her? It was in the future, so why didn't I resist? And… why… why was I feeling that way? Feeling like my heart was going to break every time Edward, my brother, touched her? Feel ashamed every time I looked at her? Then there was a pause from her visions. She turned and looked at me, eyes wide with horror. So what if I killed this girl? I had killed people before. So what? Her eyes widened, and I was sucked into one of her visions once again. _

_It was so short. _

_But it was there, and it changed everything._

_**I kissed her. **_

_**I kissed her and she kissed me back. My heart, even though it was as hard and cold as stone, would have skipped a beat or two at the feeling. I loved her. And she was now unbuttoning my shirt in a way that she was used to. This wasn't the first time. **_

"Why_?"__was the first word that she uttered to me after regaining her strength from the vision. Her voice was so heart broken as it broke. I couldn't help but cringe inside at the sound of all her hurt feelings. So… desperate for answers I couldn't give her. I looked down, my hand on my forehead. It felt like I had a really bad headache. _

"_Alice, I…" I didn't know what to say. I didn't have words for this. I didn't know why the future-me loved this apparently mortal human. She looked a bit ordinary, nothing special. Yet, to me, she was the most beautiful thing in this world. _

"_Why, Jasper? You kissed her, you loved her." Her eyes investigated me, trying to get a peek at my mixed and confused emotions. _

"_Don't you love me?" her voice pleaded. I gulped. I didn't answer, too ashamed of my own feelings._

"_You really don't love me", she stated after a couple of seconds with nothing but the sound of our breath. Realization so clear in her voice. I involuntarily ducked at her words. _

"_Alice, don't. I need some time to think this through…" My voice trailed off. _

"_Why don't you love me?" She suddenly stood close to me. How could I explain her my emotions? _

_The forest surrounding us became darker. The sun was setting. My emotions kept swirling around, I couldn't control them and it affected Alice._

_We stood in silence very long and I felt the pressure of time. She wanted and answer, and she wanted it now. But I didn't want to answer her. And, even though I have never met her, I have already fallen in love with a girl who's about to be born. She kept on pleading, and I rubbed my temples, trying not to be rough in the words I was about to say: _I already love her, and I don't know why. _But her pleading made me go insane, so before I knew it, I shouted at her._

"_Shut up, Alice." I growled at her. _

_She kept going on._

"_Shut up!" my voice roared at her, and it sounded somewhat different than it used to. Like it was echoing. And, amazing enough, she shut up. Instantly, in fact, like her voice was gone. _

_It was like she was fighting with her self, trying to say something, but not a word passed her lips. _

_A thought sneaked into my mind. It might have been the current result of her pleading leading me to insanity, but I thought that… that _I _made her do it. Not because I said she should shut up and she did it. But that I _made _her shut up. I thought about this. Alice was, by her movements I could tell, sobbing on the ground, having wrapped her arms around herself._

_I looked down on my hands, like they were tools. I looked at her. _

"_Alice, look at me", I said in the same echoing voice. It sounded evil. _

_She turned to look at me. _

"_Alice, I want you to forget this. We were out hunting, we fed, and then we returned. You have never had those flashes." She blinked a few times, and then she smiled at me._

I remember still the day I found out my powers. I can do more than just manipulate emotions. I can do so much more.

I look at her, sensing her dreams. She moans out in a little gasp my name. I smirk, and curls up at her side, closing my eyes.

I don't know how long I lay there, but suddenly the phone rang.

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_**Didn't see that one coming, huh?! Cliffie! You know I love them. I will mention my reviewers for the last chap (of course) and the (hopefully) reviewers for this chap! Revieeeeeeeew! **_

_**-Marianne.**_

_**Oh, and I'm REALLY considering that lemon, write in your review if you want a lemon in Black Comet!**_


	18. Be Alive To Tell You

**_Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight saga, but I wish I did :D_**

**_Annotiation: So... you thought I was dead, eh? Yeah, I know, I've been gone for almost like a year or so. End even though you might want to flame me for it, I can say that it was worth it. I'm planning on getting this thing DONE WITH! Hopefully this vacation. I'm planning for about 20 chapters all in all, but I'm running out of plot, so I think I'll make some kind of a cliff hanger for the next chap, and then skip to make an epilog and a prolog. And then I'm done :D_**

**_Playlist: Default This ~ 65daysofstatic; Morning Passages, Dead Things ~ Philip Glass; It's Been A While ~ Staind and Silverflame ~ Dizzy Mizz Lizzy_**

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The phone rang. My dead, cold heart skipped a beat, panic arose inside of me. I noticed my weight shifted in the bed as I looked at her. She frowned a bit, moaning.

"Jasper." Her eyes twitched and I was afraid I was going to wake her.

"Sleep", I commanded her, my voice echoing. "Just sleep." She breathed in another breath and sighed heavily before turning in bed, letting me face her back. I got up, looked at her. The phone rang again. It hurt my guts to hear the sound of it.

I watch her lay there, her arms stretched a bit, hands twitching. I take in another breath, and another. Feels a bit stupid and a lot awkward just to stand there and watch. And more importantly, feeling the time go by. The pressure increasing. If I were human, I would be sweating. Having lived so long among humans, noting their behaviours and customs, you know this kind of stuff. I close my eyes and I can feel that my own breath is rapid, and the weird flushes of warmth in my groin. The warmth spread in my body, while my breathing gets even heavier.

I walked down the stairs. I stalked slowly towards it, fearing it. I felt the plastic handle's smoothness as I grabbed it and held it to my head. I could feel something in my stomach, rummaging, that humans may call dread. Speaking in the phone made it easier to hear one another's thoughts. I only heard the silent, heavy breathing of Edward from the phone. But inside my head there, was this loud shrieking sound. The sound of a mind, without thoughts being mirrored back, and then mirrored back again.

Then there was a growl in which I heard Bella's name. Only the monotonous sound of the telephone being hanged up was there. I snarled and smashed the phone down, hearing it clatter off again because I had smashed it too hard down. I heard Bella stir in her sleep.

I quickly went up, seeing her wake up slowly. Her eyes fluttered in the most delightful way when she woke. She stared at me, as if I were a vision from one of her dreams. Or nightmares.

"Hey", she said, her voice low and husky.

"Hey", I replied, feeling a bit angry after the phone call. It had set my mind in a hundred directions at one time. Apparently, Edward would soon come to Bella to take her hand, and snatch her away from me.

Her eyes widened, as my face gave me away, and the my breath caught in my throat. Ironically, I don't need air, but it's like I can't breathe. I'm being suffocated. Her arms wrapped around my body as I sobbed tearlessly. I felt her motherly caresses on my bag, and I lifted my head to meet her lips. At first, she was not letting her lips dance with mine, and panic surged a little through me, but then I realized that it was _her_ feelings. That _she_ was afraid of kissing _me_. Afraid of the consequences. Afraid that the intimacy would push me over the line, so I could accidentally kill her. But I sent a wave of confidence to her. It worked, because she was now kissing with me, and I felt so happy, because she was with me, and this was real, and not just some fantasy.

But then she broke down. Right there in between my arms. Tears streaming down her face. And between her sobs I heard her weep Edwards name, or more like gasping it out. I stopped kissing her, with the mood gone, and wanting to take care of her, I held her in my arms. I looked her straight in the eye, removing a wet hair lock of hers from her face.

"I know it's hard to let go of him. I feel what you feel. But this is right. This is us."

"This is us", she mumbled. But right after she was about to break into sobs again. I brushed my thumb against her chin, whispering comfortable words into her ear.

She sobbed in my arms until the sun was beginning to set. Then she pushed me away. Cowering away from me. She stared at me, face calm.

"He's coming, right?" I nodded and she looked away. Ashamed, afraid. I tried to send some comforting feelings in her direction, but she just waved it off.

And so we waited. We didn't speak a word. I just lay down there at our bed, holding her in my arms. Sometimes she would cry, while I would wipe away her tears and wish that I could cry with her. At least so she wouldn't feel so alone. 'Cause I could feel that she sometimes, while we lay there, felt alone. Then I wouldn't tighten my grip around her. Hushing her sobs. She couldn't sleep. She had wanted to sleep, but she just weren't tired. I understand her. It would be a way so that she didn't have to wait for the dreaded meeting with Edward. Explaining to him how things now are, and they weren't going to change.

I could hear her stomach rumble, but when I asked her if I should cook something for her, she only answered that she wasn't hungry. Her back was against my stomach as we lay down and stared out of the window.

She told me about her secrets as we lay waiting for what was inevitable. About how Jacob had been a substitution for Edward. And that I didn't feel that way. She said, _even though your outsides is cold, your insides is warm. _The light outside shifted, but I didn't care. I was with her. That was all that mattered in my life.

I felt her snug closer to me. My grip around her tightened. She dozed of into sleep, and after a while turned around, her back to my side. I shifted side, too. My hand on her stomach. Impatiently waiting for the inevitable. For Edward to come. I knew that he would come. But I didn't knew what would happen.

I don't know how much time there went, my focus kept staying on her, savouring her smell, her form, her breathing, the smell of her blood, her warmth, the she moaned when she slept, dreaming apparently of me. Everything.

Then I heard a noise in the distance, and realized now, that our time was coming to an end. I shook Bella, not too careful not to be rough. She looked at me disoriented.

"Bella", I kissed her forehead as I said so, clutching at her clothes. I could feel her body stiffen at the thought that he was coming.

"Bella, dear, I love you. Know that. Because I don't know if I'll ever be _alive_", I smiled at the word, "to tell you this again. OK, love?" Tears were welling up in her eyes. I took a sharp intake of breath, holding it before I let my lips come crashing down on hers. If I was going to die, at least I wanted to kiss her properly before it. We kissed, our tongues driving us to the edge, where we couldn't breathe. And that was probably also the best time to stop. He was here. I drew away from her, and backed all the way out of the room, seeing her for as long as I could. I leapt down the stairs, when I heard the engines being turned off from Edwards car. I ran to the door at human pace. I grabbed the door knob, and I realized, that as I pulled it towards me, something from the outside were pushing the other door knob towards me.

"Edward", I growled, low and husky.

"Jasper", he hissed.

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**_If your heart's been sore of waiting for the story, then review! (It will make the chapters faster x3) ~ Marianne._**


	19. Fight

_**Disclaimer: Me No Own (Oh, how I wished I did x3)**_

_**Annotiation: So... this is kind of like the last chapter with the long awaited LEMON! I will post the prolog and epilog when I'm not too lazy :D This chapter goes out to all of my reviewers for supporting me in over one and a half year. **_

_**And a special thanks to my reviewers who review all my chapters (you know who you are ;D) **_

_**For the last couple of reviewers:**_

_Iim asia**: I'm so glad you've waited so long and hadn't given up on hoping there wouldn't come more :D**_

_Pinaypinay**: I don't know where you are in the story, but this is for you, for reminding me of the lemon.**_

_PurpleOrchid85**: You didn't review my last chapter, but I guess your on vacation or something :D Thank you for being a faithful reviewer who came with very good reviews, besides the usual stuff like "it's nice". It really means a lot to me, ya know?**_

_**OMFG! This is the longest chapter EVER!**_

_**Playlist: There is no playlist. Just listen to the sound of your heart while you are reading this chapter. Hear how it feels. **_

_

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_

Bella

I had barely gotten over the deep kiss Jasper had given me before I darted down the stairs to the door, where I saw Jasper fighting Edward at the beginning of the forest.

I fell down to my knees, my hands clutching at the door panels as I screamed Jasper's name, stretching it long, the pitch very high. The tears began to fall, and I felt my heart ripped open by something like sorrow. I felt my heart nearly crumbled and wrench. He stood no chance. Edward was going to win.

My breathing was rapid and my sobs uncontrollable. I didn't know who I was hoping for in my mind would win. Because all in all, it only ended up in death. There is no way I can stop them, not even by putting myself between them. Either way I have lost a person, who meant all to me.

Not that I love Edward the way I love Jazzie. Edward still meant much to me, just not as much as Jasper. Jasper may have manipulated me, and he might not be as "good" a person as Edward… but that's who he is. He's not a vampire. He's human, because he acts human in the things he do. The smells he likes, the tastes - even though he can't really taste anything anymore - he likes. Everything. His way of prioritising and opinions.

Edward's just _too_ sweet. I mean, I thought I loved him. But I guess that I just loved him a little more than the other girls from my school did. But he's not Jasper. If Edward won, he could never be him. He could never fill out the hole in my chest, the hole that belonged to Jasper. There would just be years and years filled with loneliness and longing, if Jasper don't win.

Sometimes from the forest I could her some roars. And sometimes I could see some trees nearby fall down. My sobs had stopped. But sometimes they would come back as waves of panic attacks.

I love him. Oh _God_, I love him. It's almost indescribable. How much can you love a person? When your mind as flying around in the air, thinking of him, but your stomach falls down to the ground feeling him nearby.

I couldn't help but think of the outcome of the fight if Jasper lost. We hadn't been so long together. One of my most depressing thoughts were:

_How much can he mean to me?_

And as I think this, a new panic attack came. My throat tightened, trying to fight the sobs. Panic sending jolts of adrenalin through me. As I sat at the door panels, looking out at the forest, my swollen eyelids began to close. I didn't want to sleep, I wanted to see who got out of the forest. The winner. I had slept all night, and right now the sun was up, so I shouldn't be sleeping. But I had cried. I had cried so hard and too long not to feel energetic anymore. I was just tired. The sun got higher and higher as I waited. The beams of the sun hit the forest, which sent a smell of spruce and resin and morning dew to my nose. And then I lost track of time as I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Then I fell asleep. I don't know how long I was dozing, but at a time, while it still looked like it was morning except it was getting colder, a smell got to my nostrils. My mind telling me of danger. I looked up with my eyes barely open as I saw a spiral of smoke drifting upwards. Then my eyelids fell down again, and I slept. I slept, but I was still afraid. In my sleep I looked for a way out of it. To wake up again.

But finally I did.

I was in the bed. It was dark outside. Raining. Moon beams slicing through the window.

I lay still as I thought about this.

_Just like the night when…_

I gasped and sat up, looking around confused. Panic surged through me. Who had won? Who had won?

But I couldn't see anyone. It was dark, and there were no sounds. I was surrounded by loneliness.

"Jasper?" my voice called out, frail and thin. My eyes were warm, and I felt like I was going to cry. But I couldn't. I cleared my throat and called out again.

I heard footsteps getting closer. Someone opened the door. And I was afraid to look who it was. I closed my eyes and sank. It must be Edward. Edward had won. I saw my whole future spread out before me. I was going to marry Edward with no Jasper at the wedding. I was going to become a vampire with no Jasper holding my hand. I was going to be immortal, live forever and never wither or become old. But with no Jasper to stand by me through the years.

Edward took a deep breath. Apparently he was going to say something to me. But I wanted to cut it out. Cut his voice, _and_ him, out of my life. In my head I was screaming at him. _Why do you do this to me? Why did you kill him so easily? He was your _brother.

Anger filled me.

He killed _Jasper._

But then, something I never thought would happen ever again to me, a wave of comforting rolled over me. It was vague. But I felt it. I must have felt it. It can't just be my imagination. My eyes snapped open and I stared into his eyes.

My voice was low and high pitched and weak as I cried out his name: _"Jasper!"_

He stood there in one of his new blue shirts, dark jeans with blonde rueful hair with a hand clutching at it, and the two pair of eyes I thought I would never look into again.

"Yeah, that's my name", he said frailly and a bit uncertain of himself.

He came closer to the bed and I couldn't help but hug him. He hugged me back tightly. I sniffed in his scent. I couldn't believe why I hadn't carved that scent into my mind yet. It was the scent of the most important thing to me.

I don't know how long we were like that. But I wouldn't mind if it lasted forever.

He was - well kind of - alive. He wasn't dead. He was here. He was real. Then I finally backed away a little, with my arms still around him.

"I love you." I can't remember if I have said to him before. But it didn't matter, because now it had such a deeper meaning.

But then I froze still.

"Edward…" My voice trailed off. My thoughts not bringing me any further than his name. Jaspers brows furrowed.

"He's gone. You don't to think about him anymore. He's really _gone._ And I think it's best that it all ended the way it did. I don't think Edward would want to live in a world where it was you and me together."

I kissed him. And he kissed me back. Our kiss deepened, our desires growing. For a moment I thought about what a monster I am, when my boyfriend had just been killed and I wanted to sleep with his brother right after. But it doesn't matter. It was always suppose to be me and Jasper. Always us.

Our tongues played with each other, and I wanted to come closer to Jasper. Being one person, being something… _more_. I dragged Jasper to the bed with him on top of me as I tried to get his blue shirt off.

When it was off, I noticed, that besides the old ones, Jasper had bite marks that had come on his arms recently. I kissed on all of them. Kissing the pain away. I noticed his torso. It was lean and strong, muscles flexing under tight skin. Pale and cold. Perfect indication of his ribs, slight view of a six-pack. I looked at his hands, exploring them. Big and strong. Strong enough to bear big burdens, strong enough to kill and love. He moved away my blouse, exploring the smoothness of my skin, kissing every inch. My legs wrapped around him, I sat up, giving him the freedom to open my bra. With perfect ease he did it. My breasts coming free, he cupped with one of his hands perfectly, kissing my neck. It just send more adrenalin to my body. I knew Jasper wouldn't hurt me, but being a human and knowing this was dangerous, make my brain shoot adrenalin through my body. My breathing became slower. My inhaling being the slowest. Like I was afraid to breathe.

He pinched my nipple, making it hard and having the blood stream to it, making it look like a rose bud. He did the same to my other nipple, but now the blood was also flowing down to my sex. I could feel that it was hot and steamy. Pumping with blood. I was very nervous. I mean, Edward hadn't gone this far before. And… I was a virgin. Jasper stopped, getting the hint of my nervous feelings.

"Are you okay? Are you sure?"

I was a little uncertain, but when I looked at Jasper, I knew that I couldn't be safer than right now. _I am in safe hands_. I nodded to him.

We got up to our knees, my hands travelling over his cold skin at his torso, down his stomach, below his navel to where his pants began. Our foreheads pressed against each other, I let my fingers unravel his button. I unzipped his pants to find that his penis were already erect. I guess he have been drinking animal blood. I dragged his pants and underpants of off of him. I leaned back, expecting him to do the same to me. My breathing was hitched, and I could barely look at him right now, feeling embarrassed. When he tugged of my jeans, I flushed pink. I was now only laying in my underwear. I haven't been so exposed since last gym class. But that was with the girls, so that's different. I felt… well, pealed. Pealed off was my layers, and he was about to see the real me.

His eyebrows creased and he grunted out loud. He leaned over and kissed me, hard. His hips grinding at my sex. I was a bit choked over the sensation I felt. My arms holding tight around him, scratching him, which only aroused him even more. His arms were winding around my torso, holding me tight. He then let go of me and pulled back. It was like a pain shot through me. I didn't want him to stop. But then I smiled, perhaps a bit nervous, as he raised my legs and pulled off my underwear.

For a moment I stopped breathing. Not only was I naked. But Jasper… he looked so beautiful as the moonlight blended with the rain on the window shone on him.

He began to kiss me again, this time his fingers making trails on my stomach, going lower and lower. He then reached my sex. I squirmed a bit, a bit frightened. But then I pulled myself together while blushes were creeping up on me. He touched my clitoris, the sensitive spot and I moaned. I couldn't believe that I had moaned that way, but apparently I had. Jasper smirked before continuing. His fingers reached my sex, playing on the outside of my lips before reaching inside. It hurt a bit, and I couldn't help but gasp at the pain. Jasper, who lay at my side, kissed the pain away while caressing my breasts and cupping them with his hands. They seemed to fit perfectly in size with his hands. His fingers came out of me, and then moved in again, making small strokes on the inside. He slowly trusted me with his fingers, making my desire grow. He reached inside of me, a place I had never imagined could exist. It was like there were a lot of nerves there, the touching of it delightful. My desire kept on growing. I drew away from our kiss.

He looked at me a little confused. I nodded to him, signed to him that he should do it now. He got up on his knees. Then pulled my thighs toward him. Pinching them a little. He raised me to his groin by grabbing me at my ass and pulling me up. I braided my legs around him, almost holding him in a grip. His hands went down between our legs. I could feel his sex against mine. Rubbing it, begging for entrance. I spread my legs a little more.

First, I could feel it, and it didn't hurt. Then he reached a wall, and I could feel blood running between my legs. He sunk all the way in as I were gasping for air. Tears trickled down my chin, and he kissed it away. I send him a brave smile. Then he drew out, the pain excruciating because of the lust. Then he thrust himself in slowly, and slowly dragging out again. His speed increased, getting wilder as I scratched him. It was a little hard to kiss, when you just want to bend your neck and enjoy the sensational feelings that surge through you coming from your sex.

We were driving each other the edge, until we reached a point where we both withered and collapsed. He lay beside me, breathing heavily. I could feel that I was tired, and that he was tired, too.

"Jasper?" I asked him.

"Mmmh?"

"I'm yours now. There's nothing to change it."

"I know. Do you regret it?" For a moment a feeling of loss consumed me. But then I thought of all I have gained.

"No, I don't regret."

"Good", he said, as he pulled me into his arms and I slept.

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_**God, thank you all so much! - Marianne!**_


	20. Epilog

And how does the fairytale end?

Of course, then man and the woman got together. Even though they have been through many hardships, and cruel words have been said. They had no regret of what they did. They live in the most true form vampires can live. Savouring every moment of each other and everything else.

Visions of future far away came true. He got her. And she got him. Dealing with life, love and problems was never said to be easy. Choosing one person over another can be very hard. But when you follow your heart and make a choice, you'll find out that in the end, everything mattered. All the despair, tears and shed blood was worth it in the end. The future is never certain, but if you really want to change things, you can do it.


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